My happiness

Alanna...

⚠️trigger: blood, death, mentions of abuse.⚠️

Word count: 902

I hectic keep looking at the clock. A man with a gun is pointing at me and I'm pointing at another man with my gun.
"No mercy Nat, no mercy..", I quietly keep telling myself. Around me are like five girls, maybe more. I don't know. The pressure is rising by every single breath of mine.
I take one last breath, then pull the trigger. Right into his head.
He groan's one last time before he's gone.
I didn't want to do this. I didn't want to kill him. But I had to, it was him or me. It's not like I have never killed anyone. Believe me I have. Just, it's a lot more pressure when everyone is watching you...
I one last time look at the lifeless body. I always look at my victims bodies. I'm used to seeing the rose red blood, the terrified look in their eyes....

I better get out of here as fast as possible.

"Next time not hesitating Romanoff.", Madame tells me.

I nod waiting for her to tell all of us we can go eat dinner. But something in her face tells she's about to do something really evil. I just know it.

"If I say your name you're going to be attending to the graduation ceremony in two weeks. The ones who don't get mentioned stay in the room."

She pauses for a while looking at all of us. The past two times she told me I wasn't ready, but now... well, I don't know if I'll get lucky this time.

"Lea, Xenia, Camila, Natasha."

I knew it. I was so dumb for thinking this wouldn't happen. I was so dumb for thinking I could run away from it.

I should be relieved that they're not going to kill me, right? I should be happy that she sees me as one of the stronger ones...
But she's taking a huge chance from me. The chance of being a mother, the chance of happiness. I wouldn't want my kid to grow up in the red room but I'd find a way to get us out of here.
Now nothing of that can happen or will happen.

This is the only thing that gets me emotional. Of course I have to cry now, and I don't want them to see me cry, so I quickly run out of this stupid training room and go to the toilet.
There I let all my anger out.
Why me!? I hate them, I hate them! I hate Alexej for giving me and Yelena up and I hate Melina for standing with him! I hate Madame B for being such a stupid bitch and I hate Dreykov for inventing all this bull shit!

I usually don't cry very often. I just suck it up, you know? But then there are those times where I just can't hold it in anymore. Then I cry everything out. Usually in my room but since I'm not allowed to go there yet, the restroom it is. I can't do it for too long though. I still have to go eat my super awesome soup.

I splash some cold water on my face dry it out and walk to the cafeteria.

I don't know how or why but as soon as I enter it my sight falls onto the girl. Everyone is eating something but her. She's just sitting in a corner with a bruise on her right cheek, crying herself out not knowing what to do. I go get my soup and decide to go to her.

"Please don't hit me again... I promise I will never steal food from other girls again, please just let me eat something....I'm hungry...",her eyes start to tear up.
She really thinks that I'm going to hit her...
"Don't worry I'm not going to hit you...", I say kneeling down and reaching for her hand.
"You can eat from my soup if you want..."
She looks at me in disbelief.
"Really?"
"Yeah, take it, I can eat tomorrow."
She smiles at me as I sit next to her and hand her my soup. I can see she doesn't get enough food. The best thing I can do is give her my food.
"You wanna tell me your name?"
She takes a sip and nods.
"Alanna, just Alanna"
Alanna....
"I'm Natasha, but you can call me Nat."
I smile at her, she smiles back.
"How old are you?"
She takes another sip.
"Two and a half. "
Oh, younger than I thought.... and so smart for her age...
We stay silent for a moment.
"I'm scared Nat... they're mean, they hurt me just because I was hungry.... I didn't want to steal anything I just wasn't full...", she whispers as if, if someone heard her something awful would happen.
"I get it... you don't need to steal anything anymore just ask me. They do hurt me a lot too, you know? I know what to and what not to do."
"Got it."
All of a sudden I forgot all of my problems. Talking to her makes me forget all my problems, and about the time!
Fuck I have to go!
"Keep eating, I have to go back.", I stand up.
"Will we see each other again Nat?"
She wants to see me again!
"Sure! Tomorrow at the same place for breakfast!"
She smiles.
"Okay!"