My happiness

Let me go...

Let me go...

I look down to Clint, who's being held by me with my left arm.

„let me go...", he repeats. I hold onto him even tighter now. I won't let him go. I can't.  I want him to tell his kids he loves them. We can find a different way to find the stone and get everyone we love back.
„No, I can't...", I say, tears rolling down my cheeks.
„Clint damn it hold onto me tighter!", I command him, since my arm is getting weaker. He doesn't do anything. He doesn't say anything. He just gives me a warm weak smile.
All of a sudden, I feel how he pushes himself of the cliff.
„No!", I cry out.
I feel how a part of my heart drops with him.
It should've been me.  Not him.
I look down once again. His lifeless body laying there on the cold stone floor. Then, suddenly I'm standing in water. I look at my hand.
The soul stone. 
The longer I look at it, the more my rage grows. I hope all this was worth it and I can tell the kids how much he loved them.
And tell Alanna how much I love her.

„Tell my family I love them..."

I keep hearing his voice in my head.

Don't worry Clint, I will.

***

I look at Steve and Bella, who Are sitting next to me on two chairs.
We won.
We finally won...
"Daddy look, mom's awake!"
Steve immediately gets up from his chair, to hug me.
I look around, searching for Alanna and Wanda. No one here. I exhale in disappointment.
"How are you feeling darling?", Steve asks. I shrug.
I try to move, but it doesn't work. I look at my stomach. That's where the pain is coming from. One of Thanos aliens stabbed me there. I groan in pain.
"Hey, hey calm down...", Steve helps me to sit up straight. I feel Bella touch my left arm.
"Mama...", she smiles at me.
"Alanna's here!"
Steve's and my eyes meet. He nods confirming. "Really!?"
He nods again. I smile happily. "Where is she?", I ask. "She's with Wanda. Let me go get them."
He leaves the room.
"Mama?"
I Look at Bella. Who's worry is marked on her face. "What is it pumpkin?"
"Do you think she'll like me?"
"I'm pretty sure she will. I mean how-", I start explaining her but then get interrupted by Steve's footsteps and the one's of others.
They all enter the room. Alanna, Wanda and Steve. I can't but to start to cry. I can't move that much, so I just open up my arms, waiting for them to come over to me.
As soon as I feel their bodies embrace mine, all my worries are gone. Everything's okay because we're all together now. I hug them tighter. Too tight. So that my bruise is slowly starting to hurt. That doesn't matter. I'm feeling alive again. I have my feelings...a huge part of my heart is back.

I never noticed how much I'd missed Wanda.
I look at her. She looks broken. She is broken. She lost vision...
A teenage girl, who's dealing with feelings she'd never dealt with before.
I then look at Alanna.
And she's still as broken as she was before everything happened.
It's like two broken girls are fixing another one.
Steve taps my shoulder. I wince in pain. "Sorry..but-"
He stops talking and looks at Bella. Then he looks at Alanna. "Oh...", I breath out.
"Girls why don't you come with me." , Steve says and takes Wanda and Bella with him.
"Who was that girl mom?", Alanna asks immediately after she hears the door close. I stay quiet. I have to think about a way to explain things to her.
"That's your little sister honey..."
She confusingly looks up at me. "While you were gone we decided to adopt her..."
I look at her waiting for a response.
"Oh...", she starts. "Well, that's great....", she continues. It doesn't sound real. I expected her to react differently. More heart warming....
Silence fills the air.
I expect her to say something else, but nothing comes out of her mouth. So I decide to say something. "Do you feel weird with it?", I ask.
She shakes her head. "I mean, I was gone for five years. You didn't even know if you were ever gonna see me again. It was clear that you were going to try to replace me someday.", Alanna simply explains.
What? Why would she ever think that way.
"No, Alanna I was never trying to replace you-"
"It's okay mom...", she tells me. I notice she wants to go on talking but she suddenly stops. "Uhm...I think you should rest a little."
She smiles lightly, afterwards making her way back to the door. "Alanna please come back.", I demand. I try to get up, again forgetting about the bruise on my lower stomach. I want to explain everything to her. I want her to know that Steve and I would never try to replace her. But she doesn't listen. She just keeps walking.
Then she leaves.