"Hiding a hickey, eh?" One of my classmates asked the next day when I arrived inside the classroom wearing a white turtle neck with long sleeves inside and a knitted cropped top outside as my top. I wanted to pair it with a skirt, but I ended up with skinny jeans because I had to hide the bruises on my legs and ankle na hindi ko na rin sigurado kung saan ko nakuha.
We have to keep it quiet. Pau and I decided to resolve everything privately. Kapag kasi dumami ang nakakaalam, people would make a fuss out of it. And after they do, they will eventually discover about my married life. Ayaw ko na ng issue. Gusto ko ng tahimik na buhay. I have this belief na ang relasyong maraming sumasawsaw, madaling masira. I don't want it for the two of us.
The condo manager and even the owner agreed to stay lowkey because they also knew that it may backfire to them. I was just lucky that it was night time, walang masyadong nakakita. 'Yung mga nandoon naman ay nanatiling tahimik para sa sarili nila.
"Is that really a hickey?" Adi asked on my side. We met coincidentally inside the cafeteria. Unfortunately, I had no one to tag along because they all chose to study than to eat. Ganoon din daw si Kuya kaya mag-isa lang si Adi na pumunta. It was crazy that they are rivals during highschool but they act as a best buddy now.
"Suit yourself." Sagot ko at saka nagsimulang kumain. My mind would never work if I pushed myself too much. That's what I had realized over years of studying. I can push myself to my limit but not to the point that I will sacrifice my health. Well, maybe a bit because I have been always sleepless.
"Aish." I hissed when a sauce fell on the hem of my sleeves. It stained. Dali-dali akong kumuha ng wet wipes at saka sinubukang burahin 'yun. Saka ko lang na-realize na naiangat ko na pala ang dulo ng sleeves. Iniangat ko ang paningin ko. There, I caught Adi staring at my wrist. I immediately pulled it down and acted as if nothing happened at all.
"Tell me the truth Elle..." He paused and stared at me in the eye. "Does your husband is beating the hell out of you?" He asked.
Ngumiti ako at saka umiling.
"You're thinking it wrong." Saad ko at saka tumayo bago nagpaalam. I have to avoid his questioning. Hindi ko alam kung kakayanin kong magsinungaling.
Thankfully, Adi and I didn't had an encounter for the rest of the day. Hindi ko alam kung paano magpapaliwanag sa kanya na hindi nadadamay ang usaping pera at oras. Mas lalong hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko kapag may nasabi akong out na sa linya. Words. Once said, it can't be take back anymore. Kaya hangga't maaari, ayaw kong magsalita ng mga bagay na baka pagsisihan ko.
"I told you, hindi mo naman ako kailangang sunduin." Saad ko nang nasa gitna na kami ng daan. Even Pau is busy, he insisted to brought me home that day. Hindi na ako nakatanggi dahil nasa labas na rin siya ng campus. Siya rin ang naghatid sa akin kaninang umaga.
"Hindi ko mapapatawad ang sarili ko kapag may nangyari ulit sa'yong hindi maganda." Bulong niya. I looked down and stared on my feet. Out of words.
We stayed silent until we reached home.
