"Nak, pwede ba tayong mag-usap?" Mama I smiled and nodded my head. In the back of my mind, I already know what she's about to say. I had an idea. But I don't want to believe it... the other side of my mind is making me believe otherwise.
I was silent the whole time we are walking onto the rooftop. We sat on the bench.
"Alam mong mahal na mahal kita at wala akong nakikitang ibang babae para sa anak ko, di'ba?" Nakangiting tanong ni mama sa akin. Bahagya akong ngumiti at saka siya tinanguan. "Alam kong masaya sa'yo ang anak ko... alam kong masaya ka rin sa kanya. Pero kasi..." Bahagya siyang yumuko saka huminto sa pagsasalita.
"Anak, kinausap ako ng CEO nila." That's my cue to believe my thoughts. I was right. She's here to make me stay away from Paulo. She was hear to ask me to let go..."Alam mo naman hindi ba? Bawal talaga silang magkaroon ng relasyon. Anak, malayo na ang narating ni Paulo ko... Paulo natin. Alam kong nakita mo 'yung hirap na pinagdaanan niya. Alam ko rin na kasama ka sa journey niya at isa ka sa dahilan bakit nandito siya ngayon sa kung nasaan siya pero..." She paused again and look at me in the eye.
"Baka pwedeng pakawalan mo muna sandali ang anak ko para tuluyan siyang makalipad?" Hinawakan niya ang dalawang kamay ko. Her hands were warm... like how warm she is to me. I understand why she's doing this. I understand that as a mother, she's only doing what she think is right for him.
"Hindi ako galit sa'yo. Hindi kita itinutulak palayo sa pamilya... naiintindihan mo naman ako, di'ba?" Tumango ako. I understand her point. I was thinking the same thing not long time ago. I don't hate her at all. I was just lonely because everything that she says is right.
My mind is haywire as I walk back to the emergency room. Hindi ko na nagawang sumagot pa. Kahit naman naiintindihan ko... tao pa rin ako. I was still hurt. I was thinking of my mom as well as what mama said. Akala ko 'yun na lang ang poproblemahin ko pero mali ako dahil biglang sumulpot si Kuya Dave sa harapan ko. Galit na inihagis sa akin ang cellphone niya.
Joerrelle Yshanna Martin, adopted?
That was the title of an article. "You did this?" He asked but his tone is saying that he was already sure about it.
I scoffed and chuckled lightly but I didn't say any word before walking past him. Kuya tried holding my hand but I shoved him. Pagod na ako... The news broke even without confirmation. Speculations arises. I couldn't care less because I have lots of things to think of... and I was on duty... even after days of staying awake.
"Joerrelle, tatawagan ka pa lang dapat namin!" One of the nurse yelled when they saw me in the emergency room. In the end, I assisted an 8-hour surgery. I was almost dizzy when I get out of the operating room. I did the stitching and the dressing kaya halos ako na lang ang naiwan sa loob.
I cleaned myself up before walking on the night duty room. I didn't bother checking my phone. I just lied down on the bed and close my eyes to finally sleep... I can finally shut my mind down.
Or not... because after some time, my phone rang wildly. When I saw that it was my mom's secretary, I immediately answered the phone and headed to her room.
"Your mom badly needed a surgery..." That was the first thing he said when I arrived outside the hospital room where she was admitted. "And the only way to do that is to stay in USA."
