"If things weren't good at work, don't take it out on me. Remember?" Kalmado pero may diing saad ko bago tumingin sa malayo. I started taking steps but I stopped halfway when Paulo's grip tightened and pulled me in front of him.
"Quit your job." Pag-uulit niya. This time, with much conviction and emphasis.
I scoffed. "Pati ba naman ikaw?" Hindi makapaniwalang saad ko. I mockingly chuckled and harshly pulled my hand from his hold. He tried to hold me again, but I shoved his hand away.
"Love, seryoso ako..." Masuyong saad niya bago subukin na hawakan ako ulit. Bago pa man niya magawa, naiiwas ko na ang kamay ko.
"Do you think I wasn't serious right now?" I fired back. "What about me Pau? Did you even asked me what I wanted?" I yelled and stared at him furiously. His eyes turned bloodshot. "Okay fine, I admit. ER is the hardest part of the hospital. Nakakapagod. Nakakaiyak. Pero Pau, gusto ko ang ginagawa ko. Just like how you love performing, I love what I am doing. I love treating patients!"
I harshly wiped my tears and looked away. Ni hindi ko na naramdaman na umiiyak na pala ako. I was hurt. Badly hurt. Because I am expecting him to be the last person to say this to me.
"Pau, can't you atleast listen to me and try to understand?" I begged. Dahan-dahan siyang lumapit sa akin at saka ako niyakap.
I cried even more.
I was too anxious that I am becoming sensitive. 'Yung iniiyak ko ngayon, hindi lang siya dahil sa away na 'to. It was a lot of things. Mga bagay na matagal ko nang itinatago sa sarili ko. Mga bagay na gusto ko nang ilabas ngayon.
"I'm sorry." Bulong niya at saka ako mas hinigit palapit sa kanya.
I kept sobbing and sobbing. Finally letting out my worries. Finally letting out my thoughts without actually saying it. Ganoon pala 'yun 'no? Your other half would understand without actually asking you. Because right now, I can feel him tapping my back making me let everything out. Just this once.
"I'm sorry for being a useless husband." He added. "Sorry hindi man lang kita natanong. Sorry hindi man lang kita kinamusta. Sorry wala akong alam. Sorry kasi hinahayaan kitang mag-isa tapos aakto ako na parang alam ko lahat. Sorry, love."
We stayed still until I finally calmed down. These past days, I've been carrying everything alone because I am afraid that I'd caused Pau another problem. Hindi ko rin alam. My grades were all fine. Pagod lang talaga ako mentally kaya feeling ko gusto kong umiyak pero hindi ko magawa. Now that I let everything out, I finally felt at ease.
"Do you want to go home?" He asked and softly caressed my cheek to wipe my tears away. Dahan-dahan akong tumango. Tumawa siya at saka ako hinawakan sa kamay para magsimulang maglakad pabalik.
"Tabi!" Sigaw ng kung sino makalipas ang isang sandali. Awtomatiko akong napalingon. There, I saw a guy riding a motorcycle unhesitatingly bumped a man on his police uniform. Nagsigawan ang mga tao nang bumagsak ang lalaki.
"Joy!" Pau called when I pulled my hand and run towards the scene.
"Tumawag kayo ng ambulansya!" Sigaw ng isang lalaki. Napailing ako nang makita ang hitsura ng lalaki. Naghahabol na siya ng hininga.
Ruptured lungs.
Kapag naghintay pa kami ng ambulansya, hindi siya aabot. I closed my eyes and think carefully. In the end, I let my conscience take over.
