"Kain muna." Saad ko kay Paulo na nakatitig lang sa monitor habang itina-tap ang hintuturo sa mesa. Ganyan siya palagi kapag nag-iisip. Sandali niya akong nilingon saka ngumiti nang malawak.
Pau eventually became an official member of the first boy group in the Philippines. Dahil bago ang tunog at bago sa mga mata ng Pilipino, they are having a hard time to ask for support. It was almost a year but nothing changed that much. They had some guestings for promotional purposes but always ending up that way. Hindi na nasusundan dahil swerte na kung magkaroon ng manonood.
Pau held my hand and pulled me to sit on his lap. He leaned his head on my back and sighed loudly. "I'm sorry." He uttered behind me. He sounded so down.
I gave him the permission to give up his job for this. Ako ang nagsu-support sa mga pangangailangan namin ngayon. Although I have enough money to support us until I graduate, I still applied being a nurse to St. Lukes. Kilala na ako ng higher ups kaya they have been supporting me by giving me a beneficial schedule in exchange na sa kanila ako mag-apply for residency and eventually the fellowship. Wala naman akong kaso doon dahil affiliated ang St. Lukes sa ISU, meaning, they are recognized globally. Kahit saang anggulo, it was a lot advantageous on my side.
There's a lot of things happened before we reached this day. One of the most heartbreaking thing that happen last year is Pau's dad passing away. He died alone on that foreign country. But despite the pain, Pau stayed strong for his family. For our family.
I was there when he wanted to cry but decided not to shed a tear in front of anyone. I saw him cried alone. I saw him suffer alone. I saw him whimpering in pain in silence. I saw him fell but chose to stood up because he was supposed to be strong. He should be strong. Kahit ngayon, alam kong nasasaktan pa rin siya. Even his dad is not here in the Philippines, he was his greatest supporter before. He was Pau's mentor in career and in life. I know how big is the hole that he have left on his heart.
Despite the heartache, he was still here.
"Don't dare saying that again." I whispered and caressed his hand that is resting on my belly.
"Why?" He tiringly said and chuckled lightly.
"You're basically implying that I made the wrong decision to support you." Sagot ko pabalik. He was caught off and stayed silent. He wasn't able to answer.
"Totoo naman. I made my wife work for the two of us. Iniwan ko kay Kuya lahat ng responsibilidad sa pamilya. I was selfish. I chose myself then now, I am making you to choose me too." He fired back.
Now, it is my turn to become silent.
Maybe our wedding is not grand but the promise that I have made is still the same. I vowed to support him. I vowed to stick with him. I vowed to be his someone to lean on. Now, we share every victory. So as hardships. Everybody knows that being in a marriage is hard. But we're still fighting it. We are still holding on.
"Are you happy with them?" I asked pertaining to his group. Those amazing guys who were gambling their everything to reach their dreams. Pau nodded behind me. Maybe I can't see his face, but I can feel it.
