Hidden Feelings Book 1 (Poetry) (Journaling)

Journal Entry 28

I'm sorry me trying to end my life and doing weed got him kicked out okay. I didn't mean to make it so he had to get kicked out, I didn't even know he got kicked out till I came home. I mean I'll try to be better, behave better and be who you want me to be I just don't want you to hate me anymore. I mean I thought you were sad when i tried to end my life but it turns out you weren't sad for me at all you were only sad that he got kicked out and now had to be homeless, turns out you didn't care for me at all. I guess I was stupid to think that you would care for me and fyi, I didn't try to end my life to get your sympathy or make you care for me I did it because I thought you guy's would be better without me and that life would be happier without me in it sense I'm always depressed right? And he almost died in my arms I was glad to hear him breathing again and doing just fine, but turns out you love him more than me if you love me at all, because you say you love me but your actions say otherwise your eyes say otherwise. I know now that you love him more than me and will never love me but please I don't care if you never love me as your own like you should just please don't hate me anymore or hurt me anymore with those hurtful words of yours those hateful stares of yours, those horrible actions of yours whenever I'm being punished for getting into trouble and not following your rules. And I know I keep making things bad for others by accident but I do try to be better truly I, do but apparently you never see them all you can see is the things you hate about me and how I'm stilling living under the same roof you live under the one you would rather have him live under than me. So, I know you hate having to see me and my face so I'm sorry for that truly. I know I should just give up on getting help because every time I try to get help it always ends badly and someone ends up getting hurt and I know that it's my fault so I'll just stop trying to get help now that I know its stupid and pointless.