Hidden Feelings Book 1 (Poetry) (Journaling)

Journal Entry 42

This is a conversation between me and someone who will not be named. lets just call him rayen.

Rayen: Lady, you have my respect. I wonder where do people like you vanish to when the world needs you all the most? Your mentality is way above anyone's imagination, I really really thank you for messaging me or else, I would never have known people like you still existed out there in this kind of world.

Me: well where I go when the world needs me the most ha, if I told you would you be mad?

Rayen: I'm no one to judge you, so no I won't be mad.

Me: Well then, the place I'm at when the world needs someone like me the most is the place I've always been.

Ever sense I was young, I've been trapped.

All alone inside my head I've never been able to meet other kids unless I run away from this house.

My parents don't want me but they keep me around because they need someone to let their frustrations out on verbally speaking, and they need someone to hurt someone they don't care about or want and that someone happens to be.

Me, I've never been allowed outside without permission, or to have friends because they never wanted to meet their parents, I've never been able to have a life because I've been used abused hurt and locked away from the world.

I guess I'm what you would call a sheltered child.

But I've always been curious and wondered about the world what it was like and how I could help it, I've always wanted to help everyone the whole world in fact, even though once I was able to leave this house and experience this world.

It turned its back on me and I saw the darkest side of men and woman alike I've seen the worst side of the world we live in but I still wanna help because I believe there's a little goodness in everyone even the darkest of hearts there is a small sliver of light and I want to help them bring it to the surface to make the world a better place for everyone but I'm not sure how or if I could do it by myself.

I just recently got my own phone and was able to connect to the world in this way sense I can't leave the house anymore again.

Sorry I wrote so much, but it's the truth.

Rayen: Shit just got real!! You didn't know where to open up from but you gave it a kick start. The scenario has left a lot of questions but I'm not sure if you'd wanna answer them. What I liked the most is the part where you've seen the dark side of humanity and still want to help them so that makes 2 of us, idk how much and if it will do any good but I guess its our choice and deeds alone that matter. I'm unable to say much about your parents and your life cuz like I said, a lot of questions and moreover, I'm still to learn a lot just glad you took the first step.

Sense you've gone through my profile, you know I'm the one for loyalty and honesty so I respect that your keeping it real and being you, change whatever you want to, just not that part.

Me: I don't wanna change though. And ask as many questions as you like, I'll answer anything. I am an honest soul so go ahead.

Rayen: Why have the restrictions been put upon you by your parents? Why don't they want you going out, making friends, speaking to people, learning about the world, why?? I've been through your posts and there's some serious shit in there which your keeping inside and I'm worried about you for that but I also know I can't do shit unless you ever talk about it or wanna talk about it.

Me: They hate me they don't want me their ashamed of me I'm a burden so they wanna hide me from the world, because I'm a unique individual that they believe brings shame to them so they hide me away as if I don't even exist and I've gotten used to it so I don't mind it as much as I used to anymore and I still runaway sometimes but yeah.