Josh Richards Imagines

P A S T

thank you too @ceceidk31 for this request!!

***TW***

ryleigh's pov:

josh and i met a few months ago and started dating about 2 weeks ago. he know everything about me except about my past. my past is pretty messed up and i don't want to turn him away with it. at the moment josh is the one guy that has stayed this long in my life, well a good guy that has stayed this long in my life. right now we are both just laying in bed not wanting to get up yet. it raining outside and we don't have any plans for the day.

j- baby?

r- hmm

i reply softly

j- you know how you said there was stuff that you had to tell me but it just wasn't the time yet

r- yeah

i say hesitantly

j- well that was 3 weeks ago and we're dating now. i just really want to know everything about you. i've been thinking about it a lot recently and it's been all that's in my head.

i gulp back tears just thinking about everything that i had to tell him

r- i-i know it's been 3 weeks but i just can't tell you yet

j- what do you mean you can't tell me yet

he says backing away from me just a little bit to lean up against the head board

r- it's really not that simple for me to get out

i say softly

j- well can you atleast try?

he says impatiently 

r- i hate telling you no and you know that but i really can't do this

j- god dammit ryleigh. why can't you just tell me already. i'm your boyfriend you're supposed to be able to tell me anything but you're refusing to tell whatever it is. what are you cheating and your just too scared to tell me? it can't be that hard to say whatever it is. i didn't want to nag you about this but it's come to the point where i'm getting very nervous and jittery thinking about whatever this could be. so simply just say it.

he yelled. the whole time my mind went back to when i was young. my dad used to yell at me like that. my mind went back to a year ago. my ex used to yell at me like that. i went back to when i was in school and i would show up late to class because of things that happened to me that morning. my teacher's used to yell at me like that. the tears came flowing down my face and it became hard to breath. it was happening again. but this time in front of josh. i had never had a panic attack in front of josh. if i ever felt like i was going to have one i always got myself away from him. i was scared he was going to react like everyone else. i slowly sank under the covers to try and get away from his sight. i tired to breath but it wasn't working. i felt like my lungs were collapsing. "so simply say it" i heard him yell. i felt his gaze shift to me. i knew he heard me. he pulled the covers off of me quickly.

j- ryleigh oh my god. baby breath

he said while pulling me into his arms

r- i-i-i-i c-can-can't

j- shhhh it's ok follow me ok. in....out....in....out....in....out....in....out....in....out. there ya go. keep doing that.

i had my head on his chest listening to his heartbeat. i continued to breathe in and out just like he said. his hands traveled to my back rubbing soothing circles. he used one of his thumbs to wipe my tears ways and placed it beside him. i took his hand and started to play with it. my sobs turned into hiccups which soon faded. we laid there in silence for a few moments before i spoke up.