Even when I realized I couldn't trust you, I still couldn't stop myself from loving you. Even when I realized you didn't deserve me, I still felt like I deserved you. Because I had already given so much of me and invested so much time and energy. It just didn't seem fair to have to walk away with nothing..
:
Elijah
I dreamed of college and having a career that I genuinely love. And by the grace of God and many nights wondering if I had chosen the right career. I was able to make that dream come true, however that dream was destroyed. Yeah I can say I went to college and got a degree, I had a good paying job. One that I looked forward to doing, I got to work with amazing people. It was never about the money or anything like that. Yeah it was nice, but the accomplishment of each job was better.
Meeting people with dreams, whether it's a home they've always wanted. The start to business they've dreamed about, I was one of the many people to make those dreams come true. Its a lot of hard work and dedication but it's also really rewarding. I loved my career and every ounce of joy it brought to the people around me. There are a lot of different construction fields, but in the end we all do almost the same thing.
Not being able to do what I love anymore is devastating, how can I be told I can't do something that I love? Something that I worked so hard for, two years of college and one and a half years of experience. I'm told I can no longer participate in that field of work. The bank isn't going to stop calling for their money, my student loans. They're not gonna care that I'm not using the degree they helped me finance. I'm paying loans for nothing.. money being wasted.
"What's on your mind?"
"A lot.."
"Talk to me, I'm here as your big cousin right now"
"You're here as my therapist, that's never going to change. Thats just who you are at heart which is why this career is perfect for you"
"True, but today I'm here as your cousin. We can put the title of my job to the side. I'm still going to give you advice however I won't pick your brain. You can tell me whatever, we're family"
"I just don't even know where to start.. what have you heard?"
"You've been pushing away the people that wanna help you. Your mom.. your dad, you didn't even want them at the hospital. What was that about?"
I knew this would be something my mom ran to him about. She knows that I appreciate the support and love but that was one day I feared more than anything. So I hope she's not upset about that, my intentions weren't to make it seem like I didn't want them there. And hopefully they understand that.. even now, three days later.
"Its just a bunch of waiting so I didn't want them to call off work and stop what they were doing. Not only that, my fear of something going wrong. I just wanted them to continue their day and wait for the call that I was out of surgery. I know my mom worries about me a lot and I didn't want her sitting there worrying. She was there to see me before I went in, I felt like that was the most important thing"
Dave nodded, before stopping the waitress to get a refill on his drink. Once she left our table he put his hands together and sighed.
"You know, you get that from your dad. There's nothing wrong with having family to support you in a time like this. I understand your fears got the best of you and you didn't want them to wait around. But that's what you need, having the love and the support would have made it so much better. Right now your condition is a lot for you, I was there the first two times. I seen how it affected you and how you reacted to things around you. You just started settling for less, which plays a huge part in why you didn't want family there. I get it.. but alone isn't something you should be in your darkest hour"
