STRUGGLING // SKEPHALO // DISCONTINUED, UNEDITED

3 - I wouldn't blame anybody for taking the mick out of me.

TW:

DEPRESSING THOUGHTS
SELF HARM THOUGHTS

I wouldn't blame anybody for taking the mick out of me. I'd blame myself more than I'd blame them. They have a reason to point and laugh, and I have that reason. It's like an unfriendly exchange. Except, it's a very unbalanced exchange. They get to laugh at me, tear me down, say shit and even more for free, and I'm just expected to sit there and take it all. Although, what else would I do? Laugh with them? That's boring.

I finished the body of the Rat statue and moved onto the tail. This time I was making it so she was standing up. Then I ran out of materials, so I ran to the outside basement. But then I saw someone in it, looking a chest.

Skeppy.

I awkwardly shift to the chest beside him to grab more clay, but by the time I got there I saw that he noticed me. I look at the chat, dreading whatever he was going to say.

Skeppy: hi bad

Skeppy: don't ignore me

Skeppy: plsolsols

Badboyhalo: what

Skeppy: vc

Badboyhalo: no

Skeppy: why

Badboyhalo: im not in the best mood

Skeppy: cmon plspls it's important

Badboyhalo: fine but if it is a tad bit unimportant i will crush your spine and stop on it until you get scoliosis

Skeppy: hot

I roll my eyes and open up Teamspeak until I saw another message.

Skeppy: phone call like facetime

Skeppy: you dont have to have your camera on

Then I close Teamspeak and look around for my phone to only realise its still at my nightstand, I go and get it and open up WhatsApp. I search for Skeppy's contact and facetime. I put my phone on my desk facing the roof so I could turn the camera off immediately but still be able to see what Skeppy's doing. Within a few seconds I get an answer by an overexcited short boy. I turn off the camera.

"Bad! Bad!" He yells as he spins around what I'm guessing is in his chair. He was holding his phone in one hand, and an amazon box in another.

I mutter lowly in a tired voice, "what is it Skeppy?"

"Oh- I didn't realise you were- sorry I'll- I'll call later if-" Skeppy tries to form a sentence but kept on constantly sputtering out words without making sense. It takes him a few seconds to construct a sentence, but midway I cut him off, "No. Don't worry I'm just not feeling the best."

I see Skeppy nod, but then he immediately goes to ask a question, "So uh, I know this is probably not the best time but want to meet up?"

What?

In shock, I stay still for a few seconds. Why did he ask now? He knows I'm in a shit mood. Does he secretly want me to say no? Or does he think this will benefit him? I'll do the opposite of what he wants. "Sure..." I reply, suspicious.

"Wait really?"

"Sure." I say again.

Wait.
I don't want to meet him.
He'll see the mess I'm in.
He'll meet the monster I am.
But do I seriously want to chicken out?
He's been begging for years.
Maybe once won't hurt?
Right?

Right. I breathe in and out manually for a few seconds. Skeppy begins to ramble on about details, and I can't help but zone out and panic. There were so many bad reasons that outweighed the good ones, I just slit my wrists the other day and I'm probably going to meet Skeppy when they aren't healed? What if he finds out? He'll just use me or run away, because that's what everyone else done when I needed them the most.

That was years ago Darryl, they were immature, so were you. Plus this is Skeppy, he cares for you, he loves you. Also, what's the chances he'll find out?

"So uhm, you got a room?"

But won't he make fun of me?

"Bad?"

He totally would. He only wants to meet up to find out you cut yourself and exploit you.

"You there?"

He's not like that though, he's a sweetheart. He's a great friend.

"BadBoyHalo~"

Snapping back into reality, I respond quickly with, "Sorry, zoned out!" Then immediately cringed at how fake that sounded. I cross my fingers, hoping Skeppy hadn't noticed. The call goes silent for a few seconds, until I speak up, "There is a free room..."

"Neat! You sure you still want to meet up, especially with you not having one of the best days right now or wait a little?" Skeppy asks like he knew that there was something else wrong instead of just a horrible day. Like he was purposely asking to meet up to figure out what was wrong. Although, wouldn't that be a good thing though?

"Of course."