STRUGGLING // SKEPHALO // DISCONTINUED, UNEDITED

6 - Me?

TW:

INFECTION IN A CUT
SELF HARM
DEPRESSED THOUGHTS AS USUAL
----

Me?
Would he leave because of mine?
I'd be too much for him, wouldn't I?
I'm the last person he would talk to. The only reason I actually talked to him today is because he wants to arrange when to meetup.

And there's really no way to cancel a meetup so soon. I could just say there was a personal emergency, but the amount of times I've cancelled stuff like this due to my own depression just seems selfish now. Plus I would rather not lie to him. I'll just say that I'll have to delay it to Friday, by then the cuts will only just be faint red marks. 

"I just realised I'm busy on Tuesday, sorry. Is it okay if we wait until Friday?" I question, hitting myself in the face mentally for delaying another meetup, which will just become another cancellation. I roll up my left sleeve to find my arm in what looked like an infected mess. I mutter a small, "Oh crap" as I realised I'd probably have to treat it. 

It's never looked like this before. I wince as I unwrap the bandage. Yellow muck filled most of the cuts. I slightly gag at the sight.

"Sure...? You alright there?" Skeppy asks.

"Yeah! I'm fine. The best ever! Hehe!"

Eugh..

I should seriously stop acting like a child.

"Mhm. I'm going to go, I'll talk to you later." Skeppy says, his tone changed like it was something urgent. Maybe he wanted to get rid of me. 

Don't blame him, especially how I just sounded like a toddler a couple seconds ago. "Oh, see you."

Then he left. Soon in the Minecraft chat he typed, "srry gtg, bad can continue if they want!"

A sigh escaped my mouth.

Badboyhalo: sure!! Simon says go to the diamond wall!!

I look at the cuts again as I waited. How did they even get infected? I put a fresh bandage, there's no way they should of been infected. I remind myself to look up how to clean them for later. Then I remembered about the Simon Says. Truthfully, I didn't really want to do this Simon Says alone, so I look through my friends to see who's online.

Dream, George, Sapnap, Foolish...
Nah..

A6d?

Sure. I probably need to talk to him for some advice anyway. I click onto our chat and send a quick, 'hey!!' and just hope he replies. To my luck, he immediately replies with a 'salut' To which I asked him if he wanted to VC and finish off this event Skeppy had to leave for. Then again, why did he leave?

Is he sick of me?

Did I say something?

I probably did.

He hates me.

100%.

I sigh as I feel tears prick at my eyes, I just call A6D, hoping he'd answer before I bawl out into endless tears. I rub my eyes harshly, hoping to shove away the tears. I felt the warm tears get painted around the outside of my eyes. Then A6d joins the call, to be greeted by me almost sobbing.

"Woah, Bad!? Are you okay?" He questions me immediately.

"Yeah yeah haha, just feeling sad today." I respond, it sounded like a lie but it wasn't that much of a lie.

"I see..." A6d mumbles as he enters the server. It seemed as he knew something I didn't, or something he wasn't supposed to be told.

I guess I should pop the question.

I breathe in, "How do you hide something?" I exhaled the rest of my breath as I asked him for advice.

I only received silence for twenty seconds. He pondered possibly, or was just confused why I'd ask him. "Is it mental or physical?"

"Physical, you could see it on my body." I reply without thinking. I probably should of kept it to a one word answer.

"Bro are you OK?"

"What do you mean?" I calmly respond.

"You're not the type of guy to be a fairy with a secret mark, or have been getting yourself scandalous tattoos.. There's really only one explanation."

"Which is?" My leg begins to bounce as I leant forward in my chair, hoping he wouldn't say anything that was remotely close.

"Self harm... you've mentioned anti-depressants to us both before. Plus recently you've been really dull and fragile sometimes."

I scoff, "no! It's just a weird birthmark A6d, I wouldn't hurt myself. Never!"

"Mhm."

Badboyhalo: nevermind, rat needs a walk... sorry muffins :(

I leave the server and the Teamspeak without telling A6d why. I automatically go to message Skeppy.

BadBoyHalo#1404
just realised im busy on tuesday and really busy the entire week, i just reacted out of excitement lol
sorry </3
also a6d is being a muffinhead rn, idk what's wrong.

After sending the message, I uninstall Discord, Teamspeak, Twitter, just whatever to keep myself isolated. Even the fact A6d considered self harm to be the first thing is weird.

He knows, doesn't he?