STRUGGLING // SKEPHALO // DISCONTINUED, UNEDITED

4 - Then I started to regret everything.

Hey!! A large portion of this chapter is texting!!

TW:

DEPRESSING THOUGHTS
SUICIDAL THOUGHTS I THINK
SH THOUGHTS

-

Then I started to regret everything. Skeppy began to ramble about random things again, most likely details and things we could do. He never noticed that I was quiet again, and just continued to talk and talk and talk. Soon though, he claimed he had to go and left the call pretty quickly. For a little while I was relieved, I wouldn't have to talk about the meet-up to anybody but on the other hand I was alone and having to deal with the stress.

Although, I could call someone...

Nah, too much hassle anyway.

I'll just go to bed.

Grabbing my phone, I then pull myself back to bed, though only being a couple steps, felt like 500 miles. I basically flop onto the bed. My eyes began to prick with tears as salty little stream pour down my cheeks.

Why am I so lazy and worthless?

Why do I even bother to ask, I already know. I'm a selfish slob who messes up everything and everybody. Then I take it out on myself like I'm some caged zoo animal you can customise. Red tiger stripes on my arms and blue face paint spewing from my dull eyes.

But I can't get help.

I agreed to not.

I don't need to burden someone with the responsibility of babying me until I can stand on my feet again. I lightly tap the button that made the screen light up. I already had a notification from Skeppy even though it being a few minutes since I left the call. I tap on it to be immediately greeted by two messages.

Skeppy: hey uh can you give me your address again??
Skeppy: i kinda forgor

Oh.

Right.

Well I can't really just not reply.

He can see that I'm ghosting him.

You idiot Darryl.

Skeppy: you ghosting me? :(
Skeppy: OK ur not then what are you doing??????

I don't know what I'm doing Skeppy my life is fucked and I'm on the urge to kill myself. I really just don't want to suffer this god damn place anymore.

Kill myself?

Am I that fucking diseased?

What the hell.

Skeppy: come back bbh
Skeppy: pls

Why would I kill myself? I'm perfectly happy aren't I? Sure, I'm a masochist at times and I'm technically crying right now. But I'm fine. I'm just being a selfish cow.

Skeppy: pls dont say ur crying again
Skeppy started a call.

Then I slept.
I think.
I was asleep, but also awake at the same time. My mind was running, time seemed so slow and I could move if I wanted. I felt asleep.

But I wasn't. I couldn't sleep.

Sighing, I just get up again and go to Skeppy's and I messages. It was filled with worried spamming.

BadBoyHalo</3: im fine lol what's up muffin

Skeppy: hmmm OK!!:) give address now

Badboyhalo</3: that is very threatening o.o

Then silence covered the messages, Skeppy wasn't replying and I wasn't adding anything. What if I offended him?

Badboyhalo: i don't mean that btw im sorry

This time it wasn't even read. Was he pissed at me? Did I mess up again? A couple warm tears began to roll down my face. To try distract myself, I go and change Skeppy's contact name. It was boring. As I was, I got another text back.

Skeppy💙❤: nononono, i just had to go haha, sorry if i worried you

I sighed in relief, knowing there wouldn't be anymore barcodes imprinted on my arm. All the sudden panic washed away. My heart stopped beating as fast and all the muscles that tensed up relaxed. The warm tears turned cold.

BadBoyHalo</3: i genuinely thought i worried you im so sorry

Skeppy💙❤: why are you apologising, you don't need to :)

I smiled.

Then I saw how ugly it was due to the messages chat mode, and frowned again.

Skeppy💙❤: ok but anyway give me your address before i find your ip

Badboyhalo</3: SKEPPY!! No! ok fine its Dunker Street in Chicago Illinois (idk😭😭😭😭), ive moved since that pizza video...

Skeppy💙❤: dude youre further away now that's rigged 😭

Badboyhalo</3: i had to
Badboyhalo</3: ?

Great, add emphasis on the question mark even though you know exactly why you had to move.

Skeppy💙❤: im kidding im kidding haha, im gonna go finish this event, u wanna join?

Badboyhalo</3: depends... is it being recorded?

Skeppy💙❤: not in the mood to record but ive been too inactive recently, just doing a couple of events then disappearing for another week lmao

Badboyhalo</3: dont blame you, i didnt really wanna stream yesterday, completely wore me out

Skeppy💙❤: take care of yourself omg!! you dont have to stream yknow?

Badboyhalo</3: i am i am! dont worry

I feel like shit for lying to him. But he doesn't need to know something I can handle. He doesn't need to intervene. I can help myself. Plus, if I did ask for help, I would be selfish. Everybody has problems, yet I'm crying over some insecure thoughts?

Skeppy💙❤: ok get on disc, my server

I immediately rise up from my bed and hop to my set-up, a new, cheerful mood dawned on me. But when the realisation hit, it soon faded again into another wave of gloominess. I sluggishly turn on the PC to find out I just left it on standby. Seeing that discord was already open, I open it and head to Skeppy's call, it was just him. A bit surprised that callahan or a special guest didn't show up, I click into the call.

A soft mumbling from Skeppy's microphone could be barely heard.

"Is he okay?"