STRUGGLING // SKEPHALO // DISCONTINUED, UNEDITED

27 - Our last

Our last interaction before I left Darryl's room was somewhat confusing. I didn't know if I was dating him or if it was just another joke.

A joke. Ouch.

Like everything's been great but I feel like it's will only stay at the friends with benefits thing. I'm still very curious about what he talked to Sapnap about when we were not really talking. I left Darryl alone so he could find something he liked but I was scared he'd hurt himself again.

I look down at my shorts and note that I'll need to change them. Sapnap doesn't know I'm self harming too, and he won't need to. I'd rather not have him on my ass because he probably will be looking out for us since, you know, died. My heart still ached everytime I heard someone mention his name, or the name Vincent in general. I think Darryl took it a lot harder than I did, since obviously he was closer because Vince and I fell out. There was no denying we both took his death horribly and coped with one of the worst ideas.

Plus I almost opened up about my suicidal thoughts. I feel so selfish. I should speak to a professional instead of Darryl. We both need to speak to one.

I sigh and snap myself back into reality and searched for my bag. I was running low on clothes so I knew I had to leave soon. I found a longer pair of shorts that went down to my knees so I put them on. They were greyish with a tint of beige on them. I throw the old shorts into the laundry thing I had set up and leave my room to head to the living room.

Darryl wasn't there and I couldn't hear him from the kitchen. I go to his room and knock on his door as it was closed. "Two seconds!" He calls back.

He opened the door and I could see him an uncomfortable tight long-sleeved shirt. You could see the bumps of his bandages on his sleeves.

"Bad just take that off." I say, "that is so clearly uncomfortable for you to wear."

"I don't have anything else..." He replies.

"Don't you have oversized hoodies?"

"I've been meaning to put them in the wash." He responds, biting his lip since he thought it was embarrassing.

"I might have something." I leave his room and go into my own to search for something in my suitcase. With us being around the same size, it was very easy to find something that was too big for him. I pull it out and it was his own merch.

That's a bit embarrassing...

I fold it in my arm and head back and hand it to him with no words.

"Isn't this- aww!!" Bad began to coo over the fact I had his merch, I just roll my eyes everytime he repeated a stupid little "aww" noise.

You can't lie though it was cute.

When Darryl calmed down, he shooed me out his room so he could find and put on a t-shirt and get rid of the long-sleeve that was too small for him. I go and sit in the main room to wait for him.

But five, then ten, then fifteen minutes passed by. Eventually when it was seventeen minutes since we last talked, I go to check on him. His door was obviously closed since he was supposedly meant to be changing. I knock on it and I hear a quick bounce of movement come from inside like it was a flinch.

"Come in.." A voice from the other side of the door sadly says, I open the door to see Darryl staring at the bandages that looked like they were attempted to be peeled open by a cat.

It took a few seconds to understand what happened. I honestly didn't know how to react. I noticed Darryl changed outfits at least, so that was good. I would not like to have to supervise him whilst changing.

Although.. ;);)

NO. No. No. This is serious, Zak! I bang my fist against my head which caught Darryl's attention.

"You alright there?" He asks me, pulling his sleeve over the cat scratched bandages and trying to shift topics.

"Yep. Just had a thought that wasn't too pleasant." I smile back. I head over to him and it's like he could telepathically tell I wanted him to pull up his sleeve.

I look at the mess that would of been so much worse if I ignored the fact he didn't come down. Part of the bandages were ripped off towards the top of his wrists. The rest of the bandage up to his elbows looked like they were attacked by a ferocious pair of claws. "I think we need to see a therapist if it's getting this bad." I say out of the blue, I truly wish I kept that as a thought but I'm somewhat glad I didn't.

He nods. That's all he had to say.

I don't know why but it kind of pissed me off when he didn't say something. But I made sure to just push that away and cover it up with something else.

"I love you." I told him.

He didn't reply though. Was he quietening up unintentionally or purposely. It just angered me more for some reason. I knew it was selfish to be mad at something he could or couldn't control. But it would of been nice to get one word. Though as much as I wanted to leave the room and cry for thirty minutes, I had to help, somehow. I felt so dirty though for having an ugly emotion. It felt wrong to be angry.

Eventually he nods whilst a tear fell down his face. No noise came out, and whilst we sat he just locked himself more and more. And it wasn't just one key you needed to open him up, it was twenty by the time I tried.