STRUGGLING // SKEPHALO // DISCONTINUED, UNEDITED

7 - But how?

hey!! for some reaosn theres no tws pretty much from this point on.
heres ur warnings for point on from this story
chapter 22-24 suicide
the entire book self harm
the entire book depressing thoughts

tyy
--

But how?
He can barely tell me what Dr Pepper is in french, so how can he tell that I've been cutting myself? I sigh and shrug it off, knowing that I've just blocked most ways for Skeppy or A6d to message me.

'Ding!'

Almost forgot to block people's contacts. I reluctantly go to check my phone, knowing it'd be the French guy asking if I was okay.

French Muffin 🧁
Plus everyone's freaking out about it... I'm just worried for you Bad.
*link of 3 twitter posts pointing out mysterious red marks under sleeve*
If you need help, I'm here for you
I've been there.

I click onto the links, and they were as bright as day to see. It would explain why Skeppy left. But where would he go? Did he leave me because I'm cutting myself?

I go back to the messages, and see them tripled.

Look ..
You should go see a therapist about this. It will get worse as time goes on. I really care for you but shutting yourself away won't help you.
Skeppy is there as well, everyone is. It's surprising how you haven't seen the increased amount of messages from everyone asking if you're okay.
If you don't want to talk about it, it's fine, but do go see someone before it gets worse.
I've had friends who've accidentally killed themselves to self harm, I don't want the same to happen to you.
Again, I'm here.
Everyone is.
I'd recommend to not check Twitter for a month though. Everybody's going wild about it.

Me:
A6d I love that you care so much but I'm fine.
The lighting was janky, its just a weird birthmark, that's what I wanted to hide.

I then block A6ds contact, as well as everybody else that I remembered contacts and shut off my phone. There was no point trying to speak to anybody if that blew up on twitter. Before deleting Discord on my phone, I go to check my server, messages flooded with worry. Also, constant messages were flooding in from friends. It's surprising how I got basically no notifications. I then shut down and delete discord, sighing in a relief knowing I didn't have to deal with anybody.

Then something hit me.
The stream.
Everybody knows.

I look at the clock, wishing it was somewhat late so I could go to sleep without fucking up my sleep schedule. I see its close to seven in the evening and ultimately decide to sleep. I could wake up fresher. I drag myself into bed and shut my eyes, not bothering to pull myself under the blanket nor thinking of changing.

I lay there.

But no matter how much I try to sleep, I can't. I can barely keep my eyes shut, I can't stop my legs feeling like a weight and I can't stop the constant fear of everything else going downhill. Everything is going to crash. Literally almost anybody that is in my community will learn how sad I am. What I feared would happen, and there's no way to stop it.

I'd cry, but I couldn't.

I felt too numb to move, to think, to do anything. I just had to process everything with a blank mind. I think about what A6d had said.

Don't touch Twitter for a month.

This is going to be a hell of a month. If I even wait that long.

I just lie for an hour, thoughtless, emotionless, numbed. There was nothing to do but wait. Life had drained the worst out of me, and now some random kids on Twitter decided to completely remove my safe place. If I come back fresh, I can just say I went to a therapist and act like nothing happened.

Eventually I fall asleep, one thing finally lurked my thoughts.

Why did Skeppy leave before?

SORRY FOR THE SMALLER CHAPTER!!