STRUGGLING // SKEPHALO // DISCONTINUED, UNEDITED

9 - "I just wanna feel good."

"I just wanna feel good." I say, covering my entire body with my hoodie. I was stretching it out, but I didn't care. I felt way too ashamed of the slits that sat on my weak wrists.

I felt an arm wrap behind my back, and Skeppy's head leaning on mine. He and I just snuggled there for a little while, talking about anything.

"I know, Bad. I know." He replies, sighing.

Do you really know? Or are you just saying that to show your empathy?

"Oh, how's Rocco?" I ask, trying to let go of the previous depressing conversations as well as that humiliation. Neither of us wanted to talk about it but we kind of had to.

"He's good. He's at my mums right now." Skeppy answers, "What about Rat?"

"Lucy's okay I think. I dropped her off at an aunts a few weeks ago when I couldn't take care of her." I chat. I frown a little when I talk about Rat, because I kind of said nothing but gave Aunt Lucy like two thousand dollars to take care of her for a little while. That was the only contact I didn't block, just in case anything were to happen.

I really miss Lucy, I should check on her soon.

We both fell silent, there were too many unanswered questions but they didn't want to be brought up. I eventually release my legs from the hoodie. That's when Skeppy questions me, "Why Bad?"

"Why what?" I try to act oblivious even though I knew exactly what he was asking.

"Why all of this. What happened?" Skeppy wraps his other arm around me in a hug/cuddle position.

What even happened to me? Everything just fell down and I took it out on myself. I don't actually have a reason to why this started apart from depression. And then stress. And then a panic attack reliever that became a constant habit. I feel a tear roll down my eye as I croak out, "I don't know, Skeppy. Everything just..."

"It's okay, take your time."

I return the hug and tucked my head in his shoulder and sobbed a little. "Everything just started falling and I don't know why I just thought it'd be a good idea..."

"I was there too when I was younger, it gets worse. I'm guessing Xem told you that his friends started dropping like flies after they self harmed themselves so much?"

I completely ignore what he said about A6ds friends dying, and took note of what he said, "You used to self harm?"

"Yeah. It was not a good idea." Skeppy softly laughs after. I do too and smile, I reply back with "I promise I'll try to stop."

"As long as you try Bad. We're proud."

Used is a funny word when you were slowly killing yourself too.

"Anyway uhhhh do you have a spare room?" Skeppy shifts the conversation before I could ask him more.

"Yup. It's a teensy bit messy but it's mostly ready." I say untangling myself from the hug and getting up so I could show him where his room was.

"tthHtt!" Skeppy grumbles that I got out so quickly and slowly but surely gets up too.

I lead him to his room, it had a few boxes as was missing a couple things but I'm sure he could find some sort of comfort there.

"You got an air mattress?" Skeppy asks.

"I should... somewhere. I was just planning to buy you another one honestly, there's probably a family of spiders living in the old one."

"Is that your old desk?" Skeppy points to the dark wooden desk that looked somewhat used. I forgot that so much dust collected up on it. There was also an old monitor, keyboard, mouse and PC there just in case a certain someone forgot their laptop.

"Uh yeah. The PC with it is kind of slow, but it's just if you forgot a laptop or whatever." I say stepping closer to it and inspecting it.

Yep it definitely collected some dust.

"Speaking of rooms, I should probably get my bags. I packed some stuff just incase." Skeppy darts out of the room, leaving me alone inside it.

It got boring quickly so I ran after him.