STRUGGLING // SKEPHALO // DISCONTINUED, UNEDITED

23 - A new array of red slits laid on my arm.

TW, SELF HARM START OF CHAPTER AND TITLE!!

A new array of red slits laid on my arm. I knew I was selfish for this but I couldn't help it. The bloodstained knife cut into my skin deeper than before. I could see the blood turning red as it escaped out of my body.

"Hey Darryl, how long are you going to be in there?" Skeppy asks from the other side of the door. I completely forgot I was situated in the only bathroom.

My body trembles a bit, what was I going to reply with? My gut took action before I could even plan it out, "Two minutes!"

Two minutes!?

I stand up and move to the side, making sure my arms didn't leave anything. The floor was practically stained in blood. I mumble some curses to myself before instantly getting the supplies to start cleaning the floor.

Oh yeah. I started self harming again a couple days ago. It's been four days since Vincent's death. I'm convinced Zak's hurting himself too but I can't prove it. I've only seen blood that isn't mine around his thigh area splattered on the edge of a door.

I scrub the floor aggressively as I took the red tint out of the floorboards. In thirty seconds it was easily done. I put away everything, grab my hoodie and put it on as well as stuffing the knife in the pocket, then flush the toilet and wash my hands to get rid of the blood on them. I exit the bathroom and call out Zak's name to let him know the bathrooms free and head to my room, AKA the crying zone. I can barely look at my PC because that was where I received his last words. I haven't checked social media ever since Vincent died, I just can't bring myself to.

"Hey Darryl?" Zak calls out from where I'm guessing was the bathroom. My stomach drops, did he find out again? I grab my knife and hide it under my pillow, I didn't have enough time to rinse it.

I slowly get up and brace myself for some sort of impact. "Yeah?" I reply, midway there.

By the time he could respond I was at the door, it was wide open but I didn't enter just in case he needed toilet paper.

"You can come in, I'm not doing anything." He says. And so I do. When I enter I notice he's looking at something on the door. "What's that?" He pointed at the blood that I thought was his.

"I don't know, it's been there for a while." I answer. "I thought you started self harming again, but I didn't want to confront you just in case it was something else."

I could sense Zak's face dropped, that gave me my proof. I guess he also fell back into the habit. I don't really blame him. "Oh. I thought that was yours."

"Nope. It might of been from before all of this, but I haven't touched the knife in weeks now." I say, lying through my teeth. It felt strange to hear those words out of my mouth. It felt selfish in a way.

"Then what's that?" He pointed at another blood patch beside the left side of the sink, it was fresher but it was not mine. I didn't even go over there. It had a murky red tint, so it's definitely dried but it looked like it was from yesterday. It was possible I could of brushed my arm against the sink whilst washing my hands but it wouldn't be that much or that low.

I bite my lip, I knew this would be a large accusation but it was definitely not me, "That's around your thigh."

"So? I haven't been harming myself ever since I got here." He retorts, almost as if he was pissed for me to even think he was hurting himself. I knew he was though. That wasn't me. That was way too much blood. I know how to bandage my wounds if I bleed too much.

I look at his legs, like something would confirm my argument but I really hoped he wasn't hurting himself. But when I hoped for him to not be hurting himself, a little blood stream slowly peaked under his left short. I say calmly, "You're bleeding on your thigh."

"Huh?" He looks where I was and saw the same blood stream. His face went white like he saw a ghost. He swallowed his saliva. Then he froze.

"It's okay Zak." I reassure him. "It's been hard."

Was it ever going to be okay though? I mean our best friend just died. This is the one time I haven't cried in the past four days and I find out that he's just been struggling as much as I am.

He looks back up at me with glossy eyes. "I don't know if I can keep up with this." The words slipped out of his mouth like it was soap, they were so unexpected.

"Skeppy. We can. It just gets hard at times. You've been through hard before." I tell him, I try to keep calm myself but truthfully I was freaking out inside myself.

Did Zak just try to tell me he might kill himself?

I tear up at the thought and pull Zak in for a hug, "Don't go. Please."

"I won't. For a while." He replies and hugs me back.