STRUGGLING // SKEPHALO // DISCONTINUED, UNEDITED

18 -

Skeppy seriously didn't tell me that his parents would see that. Sure, I was expecting it but it's worse knowing that one of his parents are a homophobe. I sigh and put my hands onto my face, covering my eyes in disappointment.

"So, you gonna kiss me still?" He taunts, getting far too comfortable as he tried to stroke my chin in a seductive manner. He had a bold smirk but an awkward wink.

Though it was scuffed, I really liked him flirting with me. It just felt nice. So to annoy him, I return a flirt, "Only if you want me to."

"Really??"

"Uhhhhhhh.  ..." I go red, "It'd be funny?"

Skeppy turns away a little disappointed. He turned from a state of excitement to downright depressed. Though when he noticed how obvious it was he turned back and tried to put on a fake smile.

"Do you want me to?" I ask him out of the blue, the question definitely shocked Skeppy as he thought he was hiding everything. Either Skeppy would say yes, which we know won't happen, or he'll deny it fifty times before purposely choosing another conversation that was the opposite of love or whatever this is.

He shook his head but I could see his eyes welling up. 

"Like, seriously kiss you. Not 'haha funny' kiss you." I explain.

"I don't think we should talk about this..." He replies, fidgeting with his fingers violently. His leg bounced and trembled and the mood had switched from April fool's silliness to suggestive to awkward.

"Yeah. Of course." I say. I get up and head to my room, hoping that if I gave both of us some space it wouldn't be too awkward when we talked again. I sigh and remember something Skeppy had said earlier about my friends on Discord. I guess I could redownload it and talk to them.

I sit in my gaming chair, taking in how cold it was. I pull my legs up to my chest and roll in closer to my PC via pulling on the desk. I stretch to turn on the PC and monitors, and wait for a minute until I touched anything. I then put in my password to log in and waited for all the start-up apps to load. When I remembered Discord wouldn't be loaded up to go straight to chrome to go to Discord through the website. I had almost 60 messages from all of my friends.

I smile, people do care.

I scroll down to the first messages, it'd be nicer to just tell them I'm okay first.

Dream#4146
Hey bad is everything OK? these leaks on twitter seem pretty real
twitter link
twitter link
twitter link

I look at the tweets and now I could see how obvious it was. I pull up my sleeve and I'm welcomed with uninfected scabs, I sigh in relief. I look to my right, where all the knives were stored and I noticed one wasn't there. 

I probably just dropped it after a panic attack and forgot.

I type back and send,

Yeah, everything is fine now!! It was just a little panic attack thing :)! ty for your concern, i'm here if you ever want to talk!

Next dm.

Sapnap#7125
you alright fr this time?
and congrats on ur relationship w skep if it isnt april fools, ur fans will be pissed if it is 😂

I try to think about what he meant by "fr this time" until I realised he messaged me a few days ago about if I was okay. I cringe at the second part, knowing it was all a joke but the mention of Skeppy's name right now isn't great.

I type and send.

idk if it's a joke anymore O_o

but before I could go to the next person I already had a message back from Sapnap.

Sapnap
BBH

what do u mean??

uhhh so skeppy is definetly in love with me and i dont know if i love him back...

oh so basically ur in denial 
but how did u know he loves u?

it rlly seems like it

but i thought u guys were dating based on the photos that the person took of u guys

no lol, just very touchy

title of ur sex tape

sapnap istg

god or gosh?

sapnap!!! this is important!! i will ask someone else,, please 😭

ok ok. so you love him. ur in denial. i was like that with karl before.

im not in denial. i just dont know if i like him. id know if i was purposely going against loving him

so wait. ure confused but ur not against the idea of being in love w him

thats what ive been saying ..

is skeppy even gay tho,,, like hes so straight and gay at the same time, hes intelligible 

yes he is.

but just bc it seems like it, it doesnt mean he loves u... like u got to have hard evidence

ok ok. so we were like cuddling (touchy) and i said something along like "i love you as a best friend" because i didnt rlly know yet and 2 minutes later i feel warm tears on my shoulder... plus today when we were joking about his parents finding out we talked about kissing as a joke and he got rlly disappointed

god thats a paragraph
oh he is so in love with you you oblivious idiot

heyyY!! i didnt know anything until we met ok! we kind of went on a date but like idk anymore

just ask him that u guys wanna try dating

that WOULD be a good idea but what if it ends out i dont like him at all

first, that is so unlikely, second just say u guys wanna be friends again

and hurt him like that? no sapnap. im not gonna give him hope and then break his heart worseee.. plus yk what the fans will be like

u wanna know something nobody but karl knows?

sure

so karl and i, we dated for like 2 weeks and it didnt work out well, but after the breakup we got sm closer... it doesnt seem like it but we still talk as much as possible

u guys dated?? congrats? dk what to say

yeah i still like him now so it did hurt when we broke up, but just as long as you let them down in the right way, it wont hurt as much as "oh lets break up" at a bar or whatever
give it a shot bad. if it doesnt work it doesnt work

okay thats actually a good idea but like it just feels like im just gonna be purposely dating him to dump him like it's a xbox achievement

well, do you want to date him, then dump him for jokes?

no ofc nott! i just dont want to date him then break his heart because my feelings weren't set in yet

"and hurt him like that? im not gonna give him hope and then break his heart worseee. no ofc nott! i just dont want to date him then break his heart" bad you like him dw its very obvious
now go kiss him

hhhhh why are you the person thats good at love advice?

dont question my tactics

okok, id love to keep on talking but I still have to dm like 50 other people and tell all of them im fine ,, its been so chaotic recently

oh yeah b4 u leave
were u lying when i dmed you a few days ago

sapnap i listened to your advice, of course i was😶

why are you so mean ive just saved ur romance problems
ok fr this time go message people ive had my ten minutes of bbh today

okay!! bye:)!

Time to message fifty more people. Yay.