Scene opens up at Red Base, with Simmons, Ash, Grif, Sarge, Donut and Andy. Grif is running back and forth behind Donut and Simmons.
Andy: 30, 29, 28. . .
Donut: Ah! We're all gonna die!
"That'll be fun!" Ash yells.
Grif Stops running.
Grif: More importantly, I'm going to die! That's the worst part!
"That's the best party!" Ash says.
Grif resumes running back and forth.
Sarge: Men, remain calm. This is no time to panic.
Andy: 25, 24. . .
Simmons: Sir, the world is shaking apart, the ground is opening up to swallow us and we're holding a bomb that will blow us all up before any of that happens. I submit to you that if there is any time to panic, this is that time!
Andy: 20, 19, 18. . .
Sarge: You're right, Simmons!
Grif: I guess this is it everyone!
Simmons: Does anyone have anything they wanna say?
Donut: I do! Whoa, gosh, this is such an honor! I have so many people to thank. All the little people-
Simmons: Donut! This is not the time for your pre-rehearsed academy award speech!
Donut: Well, if I don't use it now, when am I going to?
Andy: 10, 9, 8. . .
Sarge: Men, it's been an honor to serve with you, and I say that using the loosest possible definition of both the words honor and serve.
Andy: 6, 5. . .
Grif stops running momentarily, speaks, then resumes his running once again.
Grif: My only regret is that I don't have more regrets!
Andy: 4, 3. . .
Simmons: Well, if I'm gonna die, then I may as well be honest; I never respected any of you, I thought I was better than all of you this entire time, I think my skills were underappreciated and I wasted my life knowing all of you. In a way, I'm sad to die but I'm glad knowing none of you will live either. There, I said it.
Andy: 1, kaboom! . . Uh, wait, uh, ka- ugh, damn it! Ergh! Ergh! Kaboom! Uh, huh.
Earth begins quaking, then quickly stops.
Donut: The bomb was a dud?
"So lame." Ash sighs.
Andy: I-I swear that's never happened before.
Sarge: So, did you want to finish your thought there, Simmons?
Simmons looks at Sarge while Grif and Donut look at Simmons.
Simmons: Well, this is awkward.
Andy: Yeah, tell me about it.
Cut to Blue base. Tucker, Caboose, Church and Tex are all present.
Tucker: Okay, we're all set!
Caboose: Okay, I'm driving.
Tucker: What? Fuck no!
Tex: C'mon Church, get in!
Church: I'm not coming.
Tucker: You're not?
YOU ARE READING
The Weapons Guy
FanfictionFollow Ash and his explosive experiments as he goes through adventures with his friends on Red Team and those Dirty Blues. Season 1-10 (I don't own anything other than Ash.)
