Aboard the Black Swan | P.JM |

Where are you?

Y/N POV

That day did not go well at all.

After that argument, I was left alone in the crewman quarters. Looks like everybody else knew that I needed to be alone. I also felt bad that they couldn't get any rest because of me, but that was the situation.

I was completely in shock from Taehyung's attitude. This argument set back all of the progress we had made as friends and as family. I was just laying down on a hammock, staring at the ceiling that made noises from the feet running on the upper deck.

Then I got sick of it. I was a part of the crew, so why am I here? I should be on the upper deck with the others, joining in on whatever they're doing. I'm going to my former home to bid farewell to all the people that I met and allied with. Maybe also befriended. And to give them my last advice so they could survive without me.

With that thought I got up swiftly and stretched. Then I walked back up. As I walked into the sun, the entire crew, excluding the Captain who was noticeably absent, immediately stopped talking and looked at me. I slightly bowed at everyone.

"I'm sorry for the inconvenience I caused. It will never happen again. Also, thank you for leaving me to think alone." I said, the whole crew just smiled at me and accepted my apologies. I saw Yeonjun at the wheel, meaning that Taehyung was thankfully in his Cabin.

But I also had to apologise to Yeonjun for my behaviour when my emotions took over. I stood there in the sun, watching as the crew slowly filed into the lower deck. I felt so bad that they had to stay out like this for the past 20 minutes.

I sighed and went to the edge. I leaned and stared at the glittering sea. I was really frustrated. Then Soobin came and stood beside me. I was kind of ashamed that he had to see me act like that when he actually looked up to me. I turned away when he looked at me.

"Are you okay?" He asked softly. I stayed silent and only lightly shook my head. 

"I'm fine. I just let my emotions take over…sorry you had to witness that." I said, Soobin didn't say anything.

"He didn't mean it." He said suddenly.

"That's what Yeonjun too said and even if that's true, what he said hurt me. I get that I'm new and not entirely a part of the family and all but…I do want to be. I just wish he didn't call me out like that and tell me to know my place. It makes me feel like an outsider." I said, I didn't mention that I knew I was a mere replacement.

I didn't want to tell him any of this, and I wasn't used to having people ask me if I was alright. But once he did, it all just poured out. Then I heard Soobin sigh.

"Stop saying that. Being a part of the family doesn't only mean that you have to be close to the Captains, or being a part of the crew. If the people here care about you, you're automatically a part of us. No matter what anyone says about it, it doesn't ever change that fact that we want you as a part of us. People like me, Yeonjun hyung, Beomgyu, Jungkook hyung and many others care about you, which makes you a part of our lives. Things may be difficult right now, but it will get better. I promise." He said.

I finally looked at him. He looked sincere. But my eyes were burning at his words. I wasn't used to having people that care about me. Everyone either ignored me or made sure my life was hell.

I tried blinking back those tears and looked away. But Soobin wouldn't let me. He immediately wrapped me in a hug and held me tight. I leaned in and let out all the emotion in me. He didn't care if his shirt was soaked.

After letting it all out, I apologized once again. But he just gave me a smile and told me "Don't ever bottle up what you feel. Let it out one way or another. Otherwise it will build up and explode."