"You can let it go
You can throw a party full of everyone you know
And not invite your family, 'cause they never showed you love
You don't have to be sorry for leaving and growing up"
When 20 year old Matilda moved down to London after growing up qu...
Tw: this chapter contains brief talks about overdose, alcohol addiction.
7/8/17
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Matilda
I didn't know what came over me but next thing I knew I was grabbing my keys off of the table and rushing to the car with my shoes half on and half off to get into the car and slammed my foot on the pedal. I was too much in my head to be listening to the humming sound of the music playing on the radio. I had questions too many to the point where I had tears in my eyes from making bad situations in my head. The question that I kept coming back to was how could she? My 15 year old little sister is in the house. I don't care what she did but she needed to put my little sister first. I have old flashbacks running through my head of all the times where I came through the door and my mum passed out from the amount of alcohol that she had drunk in her bedroom playing with toys like everything is normal. I was 15. These situations could be bad to the point I had to call an ambulance to take her to the hospital and I was made to look after us both because mum fell out with her side of the family. And my dad left before Tia just turned 5.
I didnt realise I was in my head that much until I arrived at the entrance of the hospital. That 4 hour drive went quick but I wouldn't blame myself. I was just so distracted. The hospital brings so much anxiety it's untrue. Before I ended the phone on Tia. I could tell that she was heartbroken and so lost in what is going on. I mean she has been kept away from this side of things I made sure of it. Maybe this is my fault. Maybe if I had just stayed this wouldn't have happened and Tia would be kept out of the dark of mums episodes.
I can't keep thinking about this. I need to show Tia that everything is fine and not take my emotions out on her. Sprinting through the hospital corridors wondering when the long maze was just going to lead me in the right direction instead of just a long tunnel of hallways. Turning down the last corner to get to my mum's room that they have put her in. I could hear sniffles. I can recognise that in a heartbeat. Tia. I stopped in my tracks with the realisation that I am finally seeing my sister after three years of facetimes and sobbing over the phone repeating i miss you to each other.
I don't think she recognised me yet but the sight of her makes my heart crush. She sat on her own in her pyjama shorts with a black oversized hoodie over her body to try and keep her warm. I notice the brown dutch braids that rest messily over her shoulders. She's heartbroken. I wish I could take the pain away. Tell her that everything will be alright but who knows i might just be lying out of my ass.
"Bunny" The nickname coming out of my mouth like nothing has changed. My voice sounds weak. I hate it when it is weak. I can't be weak. I need to show her that it will be alright.
Everything will be alright.
"Teddy" she looked up to my eyes as soon as she heard my voice. Next thing I know she's jumping in my arms and crying in the crook of my neck. I can feel the nerves of everything slowly wash away. I mean with her presence around all the pain just disappears.
