"You can let it go
You can throw a party full of everyone you know
And not invite your family, 'cause they never showed you love
You don't have to be sorry for leaving and growing up"
When 20 year old Matilda moved down to London after growing up qu...
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Harry
Having Matilda lying her head on my lap as we both look out into the darkness of the street, I feel at peace; peace knowing that I have her here with me, peace knowing that I will try everything to not leave like everyone else she has relied on. I stroke my fingers through her brown locks, feeling her breathing settle into a deep slumber. I would be surprised if she were not mentally tired from telling me her life story since we've been sitting here.
How could a mother let a fifteen-year-old look after a little girl? How could she talk about the pain like it's all alright? Sympathy flowed through my body like a lake as I listened to her and her story. I saw the most vulnerable side of Matilda that I never thought I would see tonight: it shows how much she trusts me with that information about herself. She trusts me with her heart and the part of her life that killed a piece of the person she used to be. No matter how much I think about her and how she tried to end it all, it all comes back to the happy moments we've made together since we met.
Seeing the relationship she had with Tia makes more sense now than it ever did before. They only had each other. I see the guilt Matilda carries for everything that happened to them both, not only leaving her sister with her alcoholic mother but also the fact that she let her see that part of her mum. Everything makes sense, everything she tells me adds up but all I can see is this strong, amazing little girl that only wants to be loved. She only wants to be cherished and I need to be the one who shows her that. I will never leave no matter how hard shit is for me, I need to be here for her no matter what, she needs me and I need her and I fucking love that.
Whatever she needs I will be here.
I feel anger about what her mum did to her at a young age, I feel sympathetic towards her as she looks shy and put together but underneath is a girl that just wants to be loved and feels like she belongs. I feel a tear drizzle down my cheek just thinking if she didn't survive her first attempt then she would never be here in my arms. She would never have the family that she has now, the family that will always love her no matter what. She can finally let it go and I will be here when she needs my help.
Feeling like I'm getting cramps in my legs from sitting here for too long but not wanting to move I find myself reaching my hand to the top of the bed to get a cover and two pillows for us both to share. Nobody will miss us if we hide in here and if they do they would walk into a room with me and Matilda lying on the floor wrapped around each other. I'm not going anywhere, I just want to be here with my girl in my arms after a day we were not expecting to have.
....
Matilda is like the sun. The sun that keeps us warm, brings out the happiness and blazes in every direction you look in. She's hard to miss and I just hope she knows how much she is appreciated by the friends around us. The family that we have made. The family that has shown us love and will never let us make us feel sorry for leaving the place that we both had suffered. I may have not been through what she went through but I see a part of me in her and it just shows how much we are alike yet she doesn't even know my story is for a different day, today is about Matilda and what she wants to do.
