"You can let it go
You can throw a party full of everyone you know
And not invite your family, 'cause they never showed you love
You don't have to be sorry for leaving and growing up"
When 20 year old Matilda moved down to London after growing up qu...
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Matilda
After drink after drink wanting a distraction and not to think about the one person I should not think about. Harry. We all went out after the show due to Niall's friend apparently having drinks at Hot or Not for his birthday. Me and Ace were the first ones out of all of us to be here due to wanting to leave before there was a crowd in the back for when the boys finished. Seeing all of the boys walk through except Harry made me feel a huge weight off my shoulders due to knowing that there will be tension between us with what happened last night. I mean I hated the way Ace introduced himself but he only was concerned due to someone knocking on my apartment door at half eleven at night.
That weight got put back on when I saw him walking through the dance floor towards us with a pretty brunette next to him. I could tell that Ace's presence affected him as much as he wanted to make out by the constant glances we got when I started laughing at the little things he did.
"Hey I'm just going to go out for some fresh air" I whisper to Ace but also wanting to see if Harry's okay due to him not having come back yet seen as though he's been outside for around 5 minutes.
"Want me to come with you?" He murmurs while dipping his head in the crook of my neck and pressing kisses along my jaw.
"No I'll be fine but if I don't come back don't look for me I'll be okay" I tell him but walking away so he doesn't get to ask any questions.
Guiding myself to the entrance where I shouldn't be going knowing that he doesn't even want to see me. Feeling the coolness of the air surrounding me with the faint murmur of music coming from back inside the club and the smell of cigarette smoke coming from the side of me. Hoping it's the one boy that I want to see but getting let down as he's nowhere to be seen.
Not wanting to go back inside with the others and wanting to take time and think of how these last few days have been knowing that I've been trying to take my mind off of it and not talk to anyone about it like it's not a big deal.. I know Miles can tell that I'm not myself right now and whatever happened that day back in the hospital messed me up. Kicking stones along the pavement slowly feeling the coldness of the summer air on my skin due to not having a jacket on.
The one question that I've had in my mind ever since that night is why? Like what did she do it again? Why is she putting my little sister through the same thing she put me through? I mean if I had a chance to take Tia out of there I would but due to her being still at school and also having her own life I can't but I've always promised her that as soon as she's had enough of the life she's living now. I will not hesitate to drive to pick her up so she can stay with me until she can financially support herself.
The main emotion that I've felt all through this is guilt. Like it was my fault that she's experiencing the same thing I did knowing. The most guilt I felt is that if I still lived with them then I could have caught her rather than my sister finding her the same way I did. I will not forgive myself knowing that I could have stopped it if I did not leave her.
