"You can let it go
You can throw a party full of everyone you know
And not invite your family, 'cause they never showed you love
You don't have to be sorry for leaving and growing up"
When 20 year old Matilda moved down to London after growing up qu...
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27 Days since left
Harry
I haven't been doing well. From being cooped up in a hotel room and going to the bar below me and drinking until I end up being passed out. Many girls have tried to sleep with me but I can't do that. I couldn't do that to her, she means so much to me. I already feel guilty for leaving. I could not bring myself to break her even more if she found out I had slept with another girl.
I broke my phone, smashed the whole screen making it hard to discover what had been said but there had been many missed voice notes and calls from my girl and messages that I could not bring myself to open. There has been the same amount of calls and voice notes from Zayn and Niall but also my mum.
I don't know if I have accepted it or if I'm still confused about what had gone on. I mean I never really liked my father, if I could ever say he was, he was a bastard and I didn't have a close bond. My mum protected me ever since I started to walk and I've always wondered why she would do it until I was 6 and saw my dads hand connect with her face. Like I said he deserves to die. I have no idea what he's doing and I plan to not find out, I could never really call him my father back then as he was always out getting drunk.
Waking up from my hangover making me groan from the headache that I'm suffering from making me miss Matilda more in these moments. I need her. I need her comfort and to whisper that everything is gonna be alright, we're going to be alright.
The past few days waking up has been torture I don't know why I decided to leave and I'm regretting it massively. My guilt has been eating me alive for how I left my mum but my feelings towards Scott haven't changed. He deserved that punch that I gave him. How could a person know that their best friend had been going through some sort of abuse and yet still not help her? What sort of person does that? I get if he doesn't want to claim to be my father but he was a coward for letting his best friend struggle.
Peaches and I had been in the system as school got the social services involved as they were worried about our safety until one of the teachers called and saw my mum drunk out her mind and my dad left, leaving a 10 year old to look after a 4 year old. It didn't affect me looking after my sister. I still had friends and many friends was helping me out. I wasn't alone not until they separated me and peaches from each other and it made me struggle as I slowly fell into a cycle of depression. I felt lost and alone and most of all scared.
Scared from not seeing my sister as the system thought it was best to keep us away from each other until I was around 13 and saw her again as my mum had cleaned herself up and got the hep she needed. Maybe Scott helped her but still wasn't it too late to help by the time we were taken off of her? I can still remember the pain in her face as the two workers had waited as we packed a bag and I saw how hopeless she was as we walked out of the door. I didn't want to leave but sooner or later it would only end up with me being hurt. But that's how I met Zayn and since then we still stayed in contact and been close ever since.
