✔Chapter 26 // A different understanding

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Leah woke up with a sting in her chest. She took a deep breath, feeling encased in something warm and comforting, and looked around, quickly forgetting what she was dreaming about. She saw Jungkook sleeping peacefully; he was so close to her, she could see his skin pores, his long black eyelashes, and his eyes moving under his eyelids.

Guilt immediately pushed its way through the comfort and she closed her eyes. She committed to maintaining her distance so that when the time came to face her nightmares, he wouldn't get caught in the crossfire. Her dreams kept not so kindly reminding her that that was a wise choice.

And yet, there she was, not moving away from his embrace. And she remembered very well asking him to hold her during the night, so she was also a hypocrite. A 'do as I say, not as I do' kind of girl. That was bloody frustrating, she thought, putting her nose against the soft skin of his arm. She didn't want to be that person and she didn't want to be selfish either, or ever responsible for something bad happening to him.

With those thoughts in mind, she finally took one last look at him, one last second to feel the depth of his embrace. Then she let go, gently moving away until he was hugging nothing. She immediately felt cold and lonely, but that was how it was supposed to be. She actually cared about him too much to risk bringing him any harm, even if she did crave human contact and support.

Her movement seemed to wake him up and he grunted while budging and adjusting his arms. Their emptiness must have done the final trick, and his black eyes made their appearance.

"Hi," she whispered.

He blinked and stretched without moving out of place, "Hi." Then he blinked a few times more, taking in his surroundings.

They stayed like that in front of each other from each side of the bed, none of them wanting to move away, each immersed in their own thoughts.

"You had another bad dream?"

She nodded. Then chuckled, "When don't I..."

He sighed, not pleased by her not having repairing nights of sleep. "Do you want to tell me about it?"

She shook her head with a contrite expression and he didn't bother hiding the sadness in his eyes. In the silence, they both felt uncomfortable and struggled with the wall between them.

She swallowed dryly. "How did it go yesterday?" He blinked, trying to understand what she meant. "You asked me what I did, but you never told me what you did."

He took a deep breath and thought back to the previous day. He didn't really want to talk about it too much, but after a moment he reconsidered. Maybe talking to her was exactly what he needed.

"It went... well, I think," he answered, rubbing his face. "But... everyone keeps expecting something from me. Aaden, Somsak, even Namjoon, they all want me to fight." Leah nodded. "No, as in... physically punch them and stuff." He sighed, apprehensive. "And I don't want to do that."

She pressed her lips together, taking in his uneasiness. She thought back to when he had a gun in his hand, to when they established their understanding of what could happen in the future.

"We knew that could be a possibility..."

"Yeah, but knowing it and doing it are different things," he answered. "Somsak said we come from a place of peace, but here it's a place of violence." His voice trembled ever so slightly. She grabbed his hand in support. "Am I... bad for not wanting to do that?"

"No, you're not."

"But I am." She frowned at his persistence. "Because I should be doing whatever it takes to get my friends out of the cartel's hands. But I'm refusing to fight, so I'm condemning them to—"

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