Unexpected you

Chapter 16

Why in the hell didn't I say anything? I just walked away without saying goodbye or even a simple see you later. I hope Lucas doesn't feel bad about that. I wouldn't be able to cope with ruining things yet again. Did this really just happen? I can't help it when I find myself sitting down on some stranger's front steps, while I take a moment to process all that I just experienced. This truly does feels like a dream. Not only did Lucas kiss me, but all this time he had wanted me in the same way that I wanted him. Being with Lucas was everything I imagined it would be, but the way we parted doesn't leave me with much. Is this it? Will Lucas want to kiss me again? Was I good? Is he going to regret this? Will that girl tell anyone she saw Lucas and I walking down the alley together? The questions playing over and over in my head as I proceeded to walk home were definitely stressing me out. Suddenly...I'm feeling somewhat dizzy and the heavenly mood I was in starts to fade.

I'm torn between my desires, and what I know I should stay away from. This was great to temporarily satisfy my needs, but this would be a disaster if word gets out that Lucas and I were together. I don't need or want that kind of drama in my life right now. But I knew exactly what I was doing and how much trouble it could lead to when I started to pursue Lucas in the first place. But how was I to stop what just happened, when I wanted it for so long? My desires hadn't faded, they just kept growing, and I just had to have this sexy man. I wanted to taste his mouth. I wanted to run my fingertips on his skin and smell the scent on his neck. I did  just that.

I should be so angry at myself, not smiling. My future plans DID NOT have this situation in mind, and I swore I would never get sidetracked by another boy ever again. But that's exactly what's been happening the past two months. Funny thing, now that I think about it and if I'm being honest, I don't think that I would change what just happened. Even if it wasn't part of my plans. This was a freeing experience for me, and Im loving this sudden ego boost that I feel. Lord knows I've lacked confidence for way too long. Oh my! Lucas thinks I'm beautiful and he wants me too. I can't help but feel butterflies as I think of the words that he said to me tonight. I wonder if he's gone home and is thinking about our time together as well. I wonder if he will dream about me, like I know I will dream about him.

Where did you disappear to Cheyenne? A voice asked as I began to walk up the front steps to my apartment. I jerk, causing myself to almost miss a step, but luckily, Im able to grab a hold of the railing and save myself from a potential ugly fall. As I gained control of my steps, I notice Tony sitting on my front porch puffing on a cigarette. I exhale in relief. For a minute there, I thought it was Shawn. E is looking for you. He tells me through the clouds of thick white smoke. Are you guys back already? I asked Tony as I reached the top step. Damn... I'm positive I wasn't gone that long. Was I? I think to myself  as I attempt to come up with an explanation for where I was. In that moment, Elaina exit's the apartment and gives me a wondering stare. Didn't you go to the party? I quickly ask. We did, but a huge fight broke out so we left. Tony wasn't in a mood for a party anyway so it kinda worked out.

So... Where were you in that cute little summer dress? Elaina asks. Here I thought you were staying home to study, but it looks like you had other plans, huh? I know Elaina, and this is something she's not letting go of so easily. Shes always been able to read me like a book and that triggers my anxiety. No one, not even Elaina should know about what just happened. It's just too risky and I need to keep this to myself. Nope, no other plans. I answered. As she continues to stare, I try to conjure up a lie. Wait.... do I really need to come up with an excuse? Im an adult and I just stepped out for a walk and ice cream. That's all I need to say. And besides, what I do or where I go on my own time is my business.

Maybe I should hush my mouth and go inside. I know myself, and If I begin to explain where I was, I might just slip and tell her what really happened tonight. So you were just walking around the neighborhood looking super cute all by yourself? She asks while squinting her eyes at me. She's not an idiot, and she knows that I will never go for walks and I only dress up for parties, so this does look suspicious. Oh lord Elaina, please let this go. I beg. I was experiencing a bit of cabin fever so I left for a walk. That's it! I can tell that Elaina is  picking up on my nervousness, but no way is she getting anything else out of me. No matter how many questions she asks. Besides, why bring up something that's never happening again. I got what I wanted, I had my little fun, and now I have to move on. This obsession with kissing Lucas has truly gotten out of hand anyway and I need to step back.

Hmmm.... Tony, can you give us a moment? Elaina asks. Why is she looking at me this way? I think to myself. As soon as Tony walks back into the apartment, Elaina begins unleashing the questions. Dammit! I knew she wouldn't let this go so easily. Cheyenne, you do realize that you have smeared lipstick on your face, right? Were you kissing someone? OH MY GOD!... Were you with Shawn? Please tell me you weren't with Shawn! I mean fuck! Why would you put yourself back in that position? ELAINA! ... Please stop! You got it all wrong. How many times do I have to tell you that I just went for a walk. Nothing more! For a moment, I'm slightly irritated. I can't believe that Elaina would consider the possibility of me being with Shawn. I'm sorry Cheyenne. I know that Shawn is around because I just saw him half an hour ago. I know it was a stupid thing to say, but what else was I to assume? You know—you really do look like you were making out with someone. Elaina says glaring down at my mouth. Again.... It's the smeared lipstick, Chy. She said as she turned and walked back inside. Im not sure, but I feel like she might be upset with me. Because she knows me so well, maybe she can sense that Im lying to her.

Eventually, Elaina stopped with the third degree and we spent the rest of the night hanging out and having a few beers with Tony. My heart was racing the entire time. I couldn't believe how close I came to being caught. Furthermore, the thought that Lucas might pass by as we hung out on the front steps had me nervous beyond words. I decided to turn in just before midnight but I didn't fall asleep right away. Surprise surprise! I kept thinking of the time I spent with Lucas and of all the things that could've gone wrong this evening. Elaina mentioned that Shawn was around today and I can't help to realize that it must've been the reason why Lucas and I saw his girl as we walked down the alley. Wow! He could have been close by and for all I know, seconds away from catching Lucas and I. Even though I don't care about what Shawn thinks, I shouldn't ignore the fact that Lucas does. I need to respect that. As I lay in my bed, I wonder about so many things. Did he enjoy me like I enjoyed him? God I sure hope he did. When and if Lucas seeks me out for more... I'll be ready!