Unexpected you

Chapter 17

Three days have gone by and no sign of Lucas. He just hasn't been around at all, and I worry that he's regretting our time together. I know I said in the beginning that kissing Lucas could only be a one time thing, but I kinda want to hook up again. Fuck! I should have given him my phone number. But would he have called me? I ponder the possibility that he hasn't been around because he's seeing someone. And the truth is, I really don't know much about Lucas. Does he have a girlfriend, or is he casually seeing a few girls? I have been the girl that gets cheated on, and so I definitely don't want to be the girl the guy does the cheating with. No! I never ever want to be that girl! Suddenly, I'm feeling so irresponsible. I should've asked the question before I kissed him. It would have been the right thing to do, but in all fairness, my mind was mush that night. I couldn't think or see anything past Lucas.

I contemplated asking Jason if he's recently seen Lucas with a girl, but I don't want to get him involved in my situation anymore. Because the truth is that I'm putting him at risk too, and It isn't fair. Besides, he believes that Lucas isn't interested in me and I'd like to leave it that way. It's safer. Now that I think about it, there was a moment at the laundromat when Lucas mentioned being single, but he could have been lying. Oh boy—here I go again. Obsessing over Lucas. This is exactly what I didn't want. I enjoyed our kiss and an amazing time was spent together, but I should take it for what it was. Twenty five minutes of amazing pleasure with a consenting adult who needed and wanted the same thing I did that night. That's all— nothing more. I remind myself. I know I have to snap out of this but it's so hard. It's hard to look at Lucas and not want to kiss him. I'm just so drawn to this guy.

I walk over to the mirror, and very loudly, tell myself the words that I need to hear. From now on, I will only focus on Sofie, School, and getting my own place. I will no longer pursue Lucas because it isn't part of my agenda. I have a plan—Remember and get your shit together! I stare at myself for a few minutes longer, nod and walk away. Honestly, I really should be spending all of my extra time with Sofie. Teaching her new things and creating memories we can look back on. She'll be turning two years old soon, and as quickly as that came, I'll be celebrating her fifth, tenth and fifteenth birthday. I can see myself now, freaking out as the years go by, and wishing that I had more time before she heads out for college. I really should be enjoying my time with her, not indulging in adult times. I'm aware that Sofie is too young at the moment to remember anything that we would do together, but I'll remember, and these times are important to me.

Sofie had a Doctor's appointment scheduled for today, but the receptionist called to reschedule due to an emergency. Since I didn't have any other plans, I decided to turn the day into a mommy daughter funday. We started at the playground, and then we spent the next three hours strolling throughout the entire park, enjoying the swings and having lunch on a blanket. It was great, and I got an opportunity to take some amazing pictures of  my little girl. I hadn't snapped a photo of her in the past three months and I was feeling bad about that. Especially when I made a promise to myself that I would take monthly photos of my girl. By three o'clock, Sofie is showing signs of being tired, and because she hasn't napped at all today, she began to get moody. I fed her a bottle, gathered all of our belongings, and began our walk home. When I reached the entrance to the park, I noticed Lucas was crossing the street. I quickly take refuge inside of a bus stop vestibule and pray that he doesn't see me. It's been days since we were together but I haven't seen or spoken to him since. I'm pretty sure that he's been avoiding me and that thought alone makes my stomach turn. Well, I don't actually know that he's avoiding me, but the facts are, that he's been M.I.A since we kissed. And I didn't think he would be.

Lucas unties the apron from his waist and is pulling it over his head when he finally notices Sofie and I. Shit. Why are we always running into each other? Because you live in the same neighborhood! I remind myself. I can feel my lunch fighting it's way back up, and I take a moment to breathe and calm down. Damn the day I made a move on Lucas because all of this stress and tension is just not worth it. Although I silently prayed that he wouldn't come over, I stupidly waived hi. I'm such an idiot, but it's all I can think of doing at this moment. Please don't walk this way. I silently pray, but he does. Great! What am I supposed to say to him? Great weather we're having? I'm not sure, but I definitely won't be talking about our time together while I have Sofie with me, so I'm hoping he doesn't bring it up.

Hey Cheyenne. He says in a whispering voice. Oh my. There he goes again! Drawing me in with his gorgeous smile and sexy voice. This guy is my fucking kryptonite and he doesn't even know it! I hate that because it makes staying away so much harder. I don't know what it is, but there's something about him. Like I knew him in a past life or something. Whenever we're this close and talking, it feels comfortable—familiar. It's an odd sensation and I can't explain it. A magnetic pull that no matter how much I try, I can't stop. Do you think we can talk later on tonight? He asked in a nervous tone. I'm not sure if we should, Lucas. It's a weekday and I have Sofie. I explained. I understand, but we really should talk about what happened the other night. If it's easier for you, I can pass by later on. He continues. Do you really think that talking at my place is a good idea? You know there's always a group of people hanging out in front. Also, Elaina is there, and she doesn't know anything about what happened between us. She doesn't? He asked. Looking a bit surprised. No.... no one does and it's for the best. You and I both know that.

Lucas takes a step back and studies my eyes as he scratches the back of his head. I don't want him to feel like I'm brushing him off because I'm not, so I try and come up with something to ease the tension. We're two consenting adults who kissed one time, Lucas. It's all good and there's no need to stress ourselves out about it. You should just go on living your usual life, and I'll go back to my own. And to be honest, I'm not sure if being friends is a good idea. There's too much drama surrounding my life and trust me, you don't want any of it. Lucas leans back onto the bus stop sign and crosses his arms. He isn't done with me—I can tell.

I get it and I understand. Really Chayenne, I do. But I don't see why we can't still hang out. As friends of course. I can tell that you're a great person and I really enjoy conversing with you. He says as he places a hand on my shoulder, but immediately pulls away. C'mon Lucas— that'll never work. Why? he questions as his smile disappears. Well, because we tried that before and somehow still ended up sucking faces in the alley. I casually remind him. As soon as the words came out of my mouth, Lucas and I burst into laughter. This is true. We do seem to have a vibe between us. He replies. Placing one hand over his eyes and nodding. But I think we'll be okay, Cheyenne. We understand the situation here and neither one of us want any trouble.