Unexpected you

Chapter 41

    Hi. I managed to say as Lucas continues to stare at me. I just wanted to say bye. I know you're leaving tomorrow. How do you know that? No one knows except my family and best friends. He says. Marie—I mean, your mom. I quickly answered. Wait! My mother? Yes, I saw her the other day, and she informed me that you accepted the job in New York. Why are you here Cheyenne? Is all that he says. Ouch! I feel embarrassed and out of place, and I could easily die from regret.

While the question Lucas asked felt like a punch in the gut, It's how he said it that killed me the most. He's looking at me as if I had no right to be here, but in all fairness, I guess I don't. Oh... I'm sorry. I'm being so stupid and—I should go. Immediately, I turn and walk away. Cursing myself out with each and every step that I take. What did this do except burn the image of his saddened eyes into my brain. This was a stupid fucking idea!

I'm known for making dumb choices, but my goodness, this was really dumb. I mean, Coming over the night before he's due to board a plane? And for what? Did I really expect some kind of movie ending? Like Lucas would immediately forgive me and take me into his arms? Like he would tell me he loves me, and that he would wait for me until the both of us could live happily ever after? God what is wrong with me? I mean the only reason we aren't together is because of me. And now here I am. Confusing the poor guy with my presence and making this situation worse. I turned and walked away. Congratulations Cheyenne. You just graduated from dumb to dumbest.

I reach the end of the block, and as I go into my purse to retrieve my phone, someone grabs me by the shoulders. It's Lucas and he looks really mad. Damit Cheyenne! Why do you keep on walking away from me? Answer me! I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for how I handled things. And I didn't want you to go to New York thinking that I didn't love you. I shout.

Lucas puts his hands in his pockets and takes a deep breath. Can I say something before you leave? He asks. I don't answer with words. I just nod my head. I want you to know that I understand why you left. I wished so many times it didn't have to be this way, but it is, and I'm ok with it. Well—I haven't been my best, but I'm okay. I just hope you know that I loved you too, and that everything I said or did was real.

It isn't lost on me that he used the word love in the past tense, but I suppose that's a good thing. I'm sorry for everything, Lucas. I wished things were different—I really do. Lucas lifts my chin and looks into my eyes. It never had to be different, It  just had to be accepted. We kept sneaking around and being scared of what people might say or do, but that should have never been the way to go about it. We should have never cared about anything except Sofie and each other. We should have fought for our relationship and made everyone else accept what was. Made them accept us!

I was the one that couldn't accept things, Lucas. I wasn't okay with you having to give up everything just to be with me. I've said it to other's, but never to you. I love you too much. As soon as I realize what I said, I take two steps back and cover my mouth. I just told him that I love him. Lucas grips both my shoulders and asks. Do you still love me?  Once again, I don't answer. Do you fucking love me? He yells. YES! YES! I love you Lucas! I yelled back. Then be with me Cheyenne. Let's be together and forget about what the world thinks. I've been miserable without you baby. We belong together. Hearing the word baby come out of his mouth does something to me, and I fall to my knees. Why do I feel like this is wrong? He should be in love with someone else, not me.