Unexpected you

Chapter 35

Oh Chayenne. Elaina says as she caresses my hair. I sob into her lap. It's been a full week since I walked away from Lucas, and the pain won't go away. Im positive that I will never ever recover from this heartbreak, and that I'll never love anyone like I love Lucas. On top of everything, I haven't found the courage to call and explain, and I feel like a complete asshole about it. Im a fucking coward and Lucas deserves better, I know this, but I'm afraid that when I hear his voice, I'll crumble. How will I ever find the strength to stay strong when and if I hear him call me baby, or say that he loves me? How am I suppose to tell him that we're over for a second time?

I don't know how I managed to pull it off, but I was able to move out of my mothers house without anyone noticing. My boss has been so understanding about my situation, and I appreciate him more than he'll ever know. He's even offered to work with me on creating a flexible work schedule, and has allowed my transfer to his other restaurant on the south side of Chicago. The commute is longer and more expensive, but it was a sacrifice I needed to make. I changed my number the very next day as well, but Lucas continues to call my mother and Isabella on a daily basis. Isabel is angry with my choices as of lately, and constantly tells me that I've ruined a good thing, but I won't be the reason why Lucas ruins his life. I love him way too much. So it's like they say. Sometimes when you love someone, you have to let them go.

Ive been walking around like a zombie with bloodshot eyes all week, and my boss is starting to worry. I hope he doesn't assume that I'm taking some type of drug, because I love my job, and I don't want to lose it simply because I can't control my emotions. Between my earnings and living rent free at mother's and now my uncle's home, I've managed to save up a good chunk of money. Now more than ever, I need every penny I can save—to move as far away as I possibly can. I hope I can get over this pain quickly. I'm so tired of holding on till the end of my shift, just to rush out the door so I can break down and cry. Much like I'm doing now. I hate to see you like this. Elaina says with a shaky voice. Just call him and explain, Chy. It'll be the closure you need to move on.

I thought about calling him, plenty of times, but I don't know if I can E. Because I feel so horrible about walking away and disappearing the way that I did. Besides, I know what's going to happen to me as soon as I hear his voice. It's going to break me Elaina. I just know it. How could this pain be real? I have gotten punched, kicked and dragged down the stairs, and none of it was as painful as this.

I hate to say it Cheyenne, but you're already broken. If you allowed yourself the opportunity to explain, he'll understand. Maybe not now, but someday he will. One day he'll realize that you left him because you did love him. Because you wanted the best for him. Because he meant so much to you that you couldn't and wouldn't allow him to give up on his dreams. Get it together Cheyenne. Love isn't always a fairytale. Love is hard and sometimes not meant to be. No matter how much you believe it is.

I know that Elaina is trying to help, but I don't think she truly understands what Lucas and I had, and why this is so hard. He and I were magic— meant to be. We both felt it. We'd sit in silence for long periods of time and we didn't have to say anything to one another. We just craved to be close because we felt whole that way. Word's didn't need to be spoken, and somehow we always knew what the other needed. Chy, you have so much going on right now, and I heard that Shawn has started up with his bullshit again. So just do the right thing. Call Lucas and have the conversation that you should've had last week. I look up at her and ask. When will the pain go away? I don't know sweetie. Elaina says as she wipes away at my tears. But it will. I promise.

Elaina and I talked for a while, then she decided to take Sofie and Nicky to park. Allowing me the opportunity and privacy that I needed to make my dreaded phone call. I didn't make the call right away, I paced back and forth for a minute then I stopped to wash the dishes, before sitting down and grabbing the phone. Im not surprised when the phone rings once and Lucas immediately answered. Cheyenne! I can hear the lump in his throat and it instantly brings me to tears once more. Cheyenne, where are you? Why did you leave? I don't answer—I can't. I know it's you. Please Baby, he begs over the phone and I begin to sob. You don't have to do this. My brothers a fucking dick who doesn't know how to mind his business. He should have never made you feel uncomfortable and I'm sorry that you had to go through that. He was right to feel the way he did Lucas. And I understand why he wouldn't want us together. I finally find the strength to say.

Baby....I thought I would never hear your voice again. I thought you needed a night or two to get over what happened at my brother's house, but as one night turned to two then three and four, I lost it. I just never thought that you would leave me the way that you did. I love you, Cheyenne! Don't you know that? Don't you understand that I will do whatever I need to do so that we can be together. How could you walk away so easily? I don't understand.

My heart breaks as I listen to the desperation in his voice. He feels betrayed and I understand because I broke my promise to him. I told him I would never let anyone get in the way of our relationship, and I did. And even though I feel as if I have a legitimate reason for leaving, it wasn't fair that I didn't talk to him about what happened. About how I felt.

I know you love me Lucas. I know it with every fiber of my existence, but I won't allow you ruining your life just for me. I love you too much. And you have to know that walking away wasn't easy for me. It was harder then walking away the first time. Because we were at a different stage in our relationship. We were a real couple. We were committed.

Moments of silence go by, and then I hear the question. Cheyenne, why did you really leave? Because I refuse to believe that my brothers words and reaction would make you treat me the way that you did. You left Cheyenne! You left and were done with me— just like that! Because you need to go to New York, Lucas! And I won't ask you why you kept that from me, because you don't owe me anything after what I did. But I will say that It isn't right that you let go of that opportunity just for me. Besides, this is what your mother wants. And so I have to let you go. My mother? he asked in Confusion. Wait—did you speak with my mom that day? I silenced myself for a few, as I prepared to tell him all.

Your mother approached me Lucas. She wasn't mean when she spoke to me, but she did ask me to leave. She doesn't want you tied down to a girl who already has a child. She wants you to focus on your future and she wants you to find someone you can have your own child with—when you're ready. Parting is the right thing to do, before we fall deeper into this relationship. And you deserve better. What the hell Cheyenne. How many different ways can I tell you? You are better, Cheyenne. The best thing that has ever happened to me, and I know that I'm yours. This isn't about what I deserve. This is about fighting for us because we deserve to be happy. We deserve to be together.

Oh Cheyenne. I hear him say as I cried. Are you coming back baby? Or are you going to allow my family to break us up Cheyenne? He asks. I can't come back Lucas. You're mother was right. You shouldn't be involved with me and we should officially end it now. Please Lucas. Is the right thing to do and deep down inside we both know it's the truth. You and I just got swept away— again! How can you say that? How can you sit there and tell me that not being together is the right thing to do? We fucking love each other! We are supposed to be together! And I believe that with all my fucking heart! Damit Cheyenne! I can't believe you're fucking doing this. After all we've been through, you're just going to give up?

For the first time in a week, I stop crying and pull myself together. It's called Sacrifice, Lucas. I know not being with you will hurt like hell, but I won't break your family apart or be the reason your mother is always worried. I won't ruin your life that way! You are too special to me. You've done more for me in just a few months then anyone has ever done for me in my entire life. You will always be important, and I will always love you. But you need do the right thing, Lucas. Go to New York and live a good life. And I will to try and do the same. I promise you that someday, you and I will be okay. I promise it will get better.