Unexpected you

Chapter 34

    I have never felt so embarrassed in my life and all I want to do is jet out of here and never look back. Im not angry about what Lucas's mom said to me, I just feel bad because I know she isn't saying anything that isn't true. She's his mother, and she has a right to feel the way that she does. I'm sorry, and I do understand, Ms Taylor. Thank you. She says in relief as she waived bye to Sofie. What do I do now? Im aware that Lucas would be upset when he finally comes out to get me, and I'm no longer there, but I had to respect his mom's feelings. So I walked out into the alley and disappeared from sight.

I love Lucas, I love him with all of my heart, but I won't be the reason why he abandoned his job and opportunities. His happiness means a lot to me and he deserves nothing but the best. I knew that having a serious relationship with him was probably selfish, but I couldn't remove myself from his life. I couldn't part ways with the man who was mending my heart, and slowly but surely making it whole once again. Learning that he had a great job opportunity that he was ignoring because of me was unacceptable. And I can't help but wonder—why he never mentioned it to me at all.

Keep walking Chayenne.... Don't look back.... Don't look back..... don't look back. I have to keep reminding myself of what I shouldn't do. Once again, I have to let go of Lucas. This fucking hurts— more than I could have ever imagined, but I have to stay strong. I'm making the right decision, and this time, it has to stand. One day he'll understand. And he'll know that I chose to leave because I truly did love him. I cry as I think about his face when he finally returns to get me, and I'm no longer there. FUCK! My chest hurts so much as I sob and choke on my own tears.

I decided to go straight to my uncle's house and not my own, because I know Lucas would never find me there. That was a hard decision to make, but one I quickly made as I walked away from his brother's house. I played it safe and walked through alleys and gangways, avoiding the possibility of Lucas seeing me. I know Lucas, and the minute he noticed that I was gone, he would've come looking for me. Damit! I was doing just fine three and a half months ago. Even when Lucas showed up to the restaurant with a date. Yes, It stung at first because my feelings for him was real, but eventually, I knew that moving on was important.

I wish Lucas had never come back to the restaurant that night. But he just had to come back for me, and sweep me away with his words and proclamation of love. I lost it that night. Every ounce of strength I built to stay away, went straight down the drain. That night, and once again—I lost myself in Lucas.

UGH! This is so unfair! How am I going to handle things this time around? It wasn't like the last time when I told Lucas we needed to stop spending time together. It was different this time because now, we were actually a real couple. A lot was said, and promises have been made. I'm aware that I can't just disappear from his life without an explanation, but I need time to figure out what I'm going to say. I need to make him understand that his mom is right, and although we might be perfect together, the timing isn't right.