Waiting

15

How would you describe weird? Would it be that moment when someone catches you and does nothing about it? What about when the guy you've been crushing on finally makes a move and kisses you?

Well, none of that shit happened to me. Instead, I was bombarded with questions from Dr. Lenner. He started off with the four W's and H. As I explained to him step by step what happened, his anger seemed to tone down just a bit.

"Okay, so here's what's going to happen," he said. "Tori, make sure you go to class and remember to take your pills. Adam, stay here. We need to talk." Awe man. Serious shit was about to go down and I couldn't even get to be a part of it. But thanks to my depression disorder, there was no need to worry.

I 'angrily' stormed out of the room with a wide smile bouncing on the inside. I opened the door slightly so that I was still able to see the two without getting myself seen.

But when times call for eavesdropping, you always need a back up plan. Mines was original, different from any other you've seen. It was unique and totally bullet proof.

If I got caught, I was gonna run out that mutha fucker like I was in the damn Olympics.

I put all of my thoughts to the side and tried to concentrate on my given task.

"What the hell makes you think you can come to MY territory and go through MY files?" He boomed.

I almost bursted out laughing. This nigga's talking about his territory? He's in a fucking lounge!!!

"You sure about that bro?" Adam replied sarcastically, scratching his head. "For real though, cocky much? What I do is none of your damn business. All you need to do is make sure I stay on my meds and don't die."

"Missed yours today. I can tell. But let's put all of this young clueless boy crap to the side for a second. For one second, just try to be serious." Adam purposely looked away and stared at the wall behind Dr. Lenner. He was pissed, but his face was straight. "Um hello?" Dr. Lenner snapped in his face. "This is earth to Adam."

"I already know your dirty little secret Harold" said Adam, still staring at the wall. From a distance I could see his breathing getting heavier. "So don't try to give me a mighty full prayer about doing the right thing when you're not. All of you people are fucking hypocrites. I thought this was an escape from them, but this is just another gate to hell." He glared at Harold for another split second before storming out of the room.

His whole demeanor changed the second he laid his eyes on me. His pulse literally stopped and he looked like he was about to cry. Adam. The cold hearted beast that was only made for self destruction and destroyed many others along the way. He was actually about to cry.

Even though he made me want to end my life everyday, I wanted to cry with him. I wanted to sit right by his side and cry. Just let it all out. But I guess we all can't have what he want. I've learned that the hard way.

I gave him a half- hearted smile and walked to my room. I felt bad for leaving him, but what was I supposed to do? Just stand there and be supportive? That's not the type of person I am. I care for him, but I can't come to my senses before he does.

From behind me, I heard a booming laugh. I jumped nervously and made a full 360 turn. Adam pointed to me, crying of laughter.

"So that's what you're gonna do?" He cried out. "Just give me a fake smile and leave?"

"What are you talking about?" I lied. Note to self: I'm not such a great liar. I should just stick to leaving and ignoring people from now on. It totally fits in with my type.

Well fuck, I have my own type now.

"Don't play stupid with me princess" he retorted. "Out of all the people I've met, all the ones I've seen, I always thought that you was different. The way you just left right now proves to me that I was wrong." This time, I couldn't tell if he was actually crying or pretending to.
I thought back to the first time we started dating. Back when we were both happy.

I guess we all go through that phase where for one second, with one person by your side, you've entered a safe haven. You can kinda escape all the problems you had and concentrate on that one person you love. But, fairy tales are only as long as a Mc Donald commercial.

I tried to make the relationship work after he was diagnosed, but it all went downhill. Like a roller coaster that went all the way to the bottom and stopped. As much as I wanted us to make it to the top again, we were stuck.

"You got what you wanted from me. You got my trust and broke it. You humiliated me and made me think you actually cared for me. You already know that my stability is lower than my age, yet you still try to break me. And now when the pressure finally gets to you, you want me to be your rock? We've reached rock bottom Adam, and I'm afraid there's no way back up."

After getting all of that out, I actually felt better. Like a while weight was lifted off my shoulders. Unfortunately, there was still a ton of personal problems that were clinging onto my shoulders.

"Okay" he shrugged. "But none of what you said is going to change anything. Just watch, darling." He came up towards me and placed his lips on my cheek. He then put both hands on my shoulder and said "I guess this is what friends do" before walking away.

Simple as that.

I was left there dumbfounded. I was angry and emotional at the same time. Part of me was angry that I wasn't going to do anything about it, and part of me was feeling some type of way that he didn't even care to listen to what I had to say.

And why do I still love this idiot?

Because just like Adam said, it takes an idiot to know an idiot. And I desperately wanted to know mine.