Waiting

35

Just as I was taking this in, I got a phone call.

"Hello?"

"Wassup bitch?" Said Ariane. I laughed. "Just wanted to let you know your little boy toy just got released."

"WHAT?!!!"

"Lol take a breather I'm just kidding. But what I do know is that he fully re gained his consciousness. You must've put a real good impression on him. Only thing is he can't feel anything like his whole body is numb. But yeah, please don't faint before you get back."

"OMG, I'm on my way now!" I hung up the phone turned off the tv and left. As I was jogging back to the hospital, I took a moment to reflect everything. It was really a bittersweet moment. My dearest friend died before I got a chance to visit her, but Adam doesn't have Alzheimer's anymore. I'll mourn for Rose at a more appropriate time.

When I arrived at the hospital, I immediately took a shower and got changed. As soon as I finished I rushed straight to where Adam was.

He looked so much better from the last time I saw him. When he saw my face, his expression became blank. He politely excused everyone else from the room and I closed the door after them.

"Hey, how you feeling?" I asked.

"I feel 100% paralyzed. Doctor said it'll go away in like half an hour from my meds."

"Oh that's go-"

"I remember the conversation we had when I was still sick."

Oh damn. He's probably wondering about that.

"You just woke up, you need to lighten up a bit."

He sighed and rolled his eyes. "I'm really not feeling this right now. Can we do this some other time?"

"Sure thing." I quickly walked out of the room and headed towards the therapy room. Surprisingly, Therisa was by herself. She's usually booked with patients.

When she saw me, she immediately got up and out out her cigarette. "It's a surprise seeing you here Tori. You've missed more than five of your therapy sessions. But hey, what's on your mind?"

"A lot."

"I'm guessing you heard about Rose's death."

I nodded. I didn't even wanna think about that. I just put it to the back of my mind. Knowing that Fred did that to her just made me wonder if I've been socializing with the wrong people. First Lenner being my dad and a rapist, now Fred being a murderer.

"You need to get it together and move on" she said. "It's my job to tell you what you don't want to hear, but also to tell you the truth. It's normal to mourn over a loved one, but realize that life moves on. If you waste too much time crying you'll be the next dead body."

"I know. It just sucks that I can never have a peaceful day to myself. There's always something that complicates things for me. I'm sick of it."

"And that something is Adam right?"

Maybe I really do need to move on. The fact that other people know how much attention I've put into Adam, maybe that's a sign. I gotta fix that.

"Yeah I heard he got his memory back. I'm definitely happy for him, but I'm really lost myself."

"Honey, with your condition and all I'd relax. Whatever's stressing you out, let it go. Do what you know is best for you, not what makes other people happy. You've put Adam's needs before yours, and knowing he's better now you don't know what to do with yourself. My advice is that you're still sick. You need to focus on what keeps you healthy, not happy."

"So you want me to cut him off?" I asked.

I get where she's coming from, but I don't know. Am I ready to let go all of those memories Adam and I shared?

But she's right. If Adam sees the way I am but doesn't wanna support me like I did to him, I don't really need him as much as I thought. Man, I don't know what I'm gonna do.

"You're very vulnerable at this point Tori. But if you show that to any man they're gonna use that as an invitation to control you. They'll know that your always gonna run back to him, and that you're too weak to take care of yourself. So they get to use you any way you want. I'll tell you from experience, you don't wanna go down that road."

Maybe that's what happened with mom. She probably was in love with Jeremy at one point. But then she showed him that she needed him, and he used that as an advantage.

"My mother... She got raped by Lenner" I whispered.

Theresa looked down and sighed. "I know. I had a mugshot of him and went to the police station. But one of them snitched to Lenner and he threatened me not to tell you. I understand why you have PTSD. But how do you feel about it?"

"You mean how does it feel to have your innocence taken away? To not be able to laugh and look back at your childhood? To know you share the same DNA as a monster? It feels fucking awesome" I rolled my eyes sarcastically.

She grabbed my hand and sat me down. "It's not your fault Tori. You've been through so much and none of it was your fault. But as much as I hate to say this, you need to look past that. After today, you need to renew yourself as a new Tori, a fearless one that can overcome anything. You've done it before, you just need to do it with more confidence this time. You're letting all the wrong people motivate you, and its time for you to do it yourself."

I took a deep breath. Theresa was speaking facts. I gotta do this for me. No more worrying about Adam, he knows how to take care of himself. Time for me to do the same. And no more thinking about Jeremy. Moms in a better place and he's living how he deserves.

"Even after all I put you through, you're still the best" I smiled. I gave Theresa a much needed hug and went to my room.

I really needed some time to take everything in, so I decided to take a nap. I put on my headphones and set it to shuffle and closed my eyes.

About half an hour into my nap, I heard a creak in my door. My eyes immediately shot open.

"Oops sorry, I don't know you were sleeping" said Adam. I sat up and took out my headphones. We didn't exactly leave off on good terms, so he's probably here to talk about what I told him when he was in a coma.

Let's hope this goes well.