Waiting

28

ADAM POV

I didn't feel anything. No fury,hurt, pain, nothing. Why? If only my head wasn't hurting so much that I could figure it out.

I took a quick look around the room and nothing caught my attention. That was, until I spotted a paper on my desk. I grabbed the poem and little penguin I saved for her and ran to find Tori. Lucky for me, I could hear her sobs from her room.

I knocked on her door and surprisingly, she opened it. I held the penguin behind me and used my right hand to clutch the poem.

"May I?" I asked.

She sniffled and nodded. "Sure."

"I saw the poem you wrote and I would like to read it aloud. Just so you know that I'm listening what you have to sa-"

"Just shut up and read it" she laughed. I smiled and cleared my throat. Please Lord don't let me stumble on these words.

Before I began, I suddenly had a huge throb in my head. Maybe it's just a little something from the fall. I shrugged it off and continued.

" I th-th-think t-tha-that-" I paused and took a huge breath. "I can't."

Something clicked. Like a whole rage of anger took over. I threw the penguin and poem on the floor like it was some contagious disease.

"Fuck this!" I yelled. "Why the fuck do I have to do all this just to make a fucking point?" She was in a little bit of shock, but took no time replying.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" She asked. I could tell she was trying to stay calm. I thought she would at least let it out. All I know is that I can't. Especially after getting rejected.

Yeah yeah, I was a fucking asshole to her. But I've changed. I jumped off an effing roof for her. She thought I was the one sending the stupid mixed messages? I actually let everything out and she still wants more? She can take so much hurt, but I can't.

"I'm talking about the fact that I woke up to hearing some fucktard confessing his love to you, us getting into a huge argument, me saying I love you and you rejecting me. What else do you want from me?" I screamed in frustration.

"Nothing!!! Can't you see I'm fucking done with you? It's too fucking late for an apology. You trying to be some courageous coward could've killed my brother!!!"

"Why the hell do you even need him if I'm the only one that's being honest and loving you the way no one has ever done before?!!!!"

It felt like a huge relief to get that off my chest. Well maybe I didn't tell her that bit in our heart to heart earlier, but at least I did let her know.

"Oh so now you're blaming this on Dave?" She asked with her arms crossed.

"YOURE SO FUCKING BUSY WITH YOUR OWN LIFE THAT YOU NEVER EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT IT!!! If you thought Dave loves you more than I can show you, then why do still cut?"

She stayed silent. Her eyes burned into mine, as if she was looking for the answer in my face.

"Exactly. If he loves you oh so much, then why didn't you tell him about the fact that you cut yourself? Why didn't he ever ask how you were doing, if you were okay? It doesn't take an Einstein to realize that someone they love is hurt. Dave didn't realize it, but I did."

I could see her trying to fight the tears, her quivering lips fighting to speak. But, she managed to speak. And when she did, she made it very clear where her mind was at.

"In case you weren't listening to me earlier, I CUT BECAUSE I SAW MY MOM RAPED. I could've helped her even though I was so young. I didn't tell any male or female about what happened because I felt voiceless. So to answer you're fucking question, I didn't tell Dave because I was feeling some type of way towards men. If someone I didn't know was capable of putting my mom through so much, I didn't know if Dave could do the same. But I love him now than ever."

"Damn" I blurted.

"Damn? I shut you up for good and you're reply is damn? I hate you so much Adam, just get out of my life already."

Now, you're probably assuming that this is something I've dealt with before. She's said she hates me plenty of times, but never have I seen her say it with so much emotion. Fury, hurt, disgust, I could see it all.

"Fine."

She took a second to process what I said, and stormed out of the room. I sighed and walked over to her dresser. I held the side of my throbbing head and picked up the penguin and smiled and that's when I put the pieces together.

I let my heart out to the girl. I don't care how much time we stay apart. She really does hate me now, but I'm glad she knows the truth. The whole truth. Without her, I'm nothing. But without me, she's still surviving.

Tough loves hurts like a bitch. But if that's what it takes for her to be mine, I don't mind. I'd do whatever for that girl. I just need to work on how to show her that without getting caught up with my own feelings.

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