Waiting

18

I blinked confusingly, trying to fix out who was which. Once I got familiar, I then wondered what they were all doing here.

"Hey you're alive!!!'" Fred squealed.

"For now" I muttered to myself. Fred, Ariane, Dr. Lenner, and even Rose was all in front of me. And as usual, Adam was no where to be seen. I mean it would've been nice if he could at least know if I was okay or not, but I didn't expect it to be honest.

I narrowed my eyes at Dr. Lenner. His ugly lying two faced ass. He awkwardly left the room.

"Rose are you feeling better?" I asked. She furiously turned to Fred who looked back at her with boredom, as if he didn't care about who knows what was going on.

At least go to another room, damn. I didn't know what their silent speaking was, but don't bring me in it.

Fred snapped back to reality and his eyes quickly shot back at mine.

"Tell her Fred" Rose snarled.

"Rose, remember to take your pills now" he laughed. "Bruhh, I don't comprehend with your bullshit. Right now Tori just woke up. Think Rose, or do you not know how to do that either?"

Rose ignored his violation and the fact that Ariane was still in the room. Bitch tryna bring up my past got me in this shit. I was gonna probably die here soon anyway. "Tell her or I will."

"That's not a part of th-" he started. He hesitated and glanced at me. "I mean, I already told her the story of how you got in the hospital bed" he said shamelessly.

Oh boy. All I did was open my eyes and already I done got fellas throwin shade all over the damn place.

"What's going on?" I asked Rose, trying my best not to let my voice crack.

"He tried to k-" she was cut short when Dr Lenner arrived with Teresa and a clipboard. I looked around the room and was surprised to notice Ariane still standing in the corner, now munching on a Twinkie.

"Thish shoumds intwesthimg" she mumbled. Her hungry ass. Dr Lenner patiently waited for everyone to exit the room while he and my therapist remained standing.

"Ms Cooper, Teresa and I have found some interesting news on your health condition that we would like to share with you."

"Don't call me that asshole" I replied bitterly.

I know he isn't trying to call me by my last name. This nigga don't know what I can do. I might be in a hospital bed, but it'll take me less then two seconds to jump out and use a bat to smash this nigga. He made a surprised expression as if he had no clue why I was angry with him.

"Let's make this shit quick bimbo" I continued.

"You have traumatic post disorder Tori. Your depression was just a symptom. During our tests we also examined a lot of marks on your upper arm, wrist, and knuckles. But that's for Teresa to focus on. My job was to give you the news. I'll stop by later to give you an update." He left the room and took all of my words with him.

I was speechless.

Now the part of me having traumatic post disorder didn't bother me. For me it was just a fancier word reminding me of my past. Now that was the problem.

The more I thought about it, the more my head throbbed. I never wanted this to happen. If it wasn't for Ariane's dumbass asking irrelevant questions, I'd probably be living my suicidal life right now.

I didn't mind being here. My only problem was what was going on behind closed doors. What was Adam up to? Why couldn't he at least tell someone to tell me hi? Same allergic to caring bs I've been dealing with for a long while now. And Fred and Rose? Why couldn't either of them tell me what was going on?

Me eyes started to swell with tears. It felt like everyone's been lying to me, like I can't trust anyone. Not even Rose. They kept secrets from me as if I was going to live long enough to spread it anyway. It's just one of those times where you have to mentally debate who on this earth is worth it. That's why I have the marks on my arm. Nobody is worth it anymore. The people who were worth it were dead. Just thinking about it made the tears begin to flow.

"Tori, I know this is hard to deal with" said Teresa. "But, you have to try to stay strong. In life we go through many hardships that are difficult. But I promise you it's going to get better." I took in all that she said and was able to draw a reasonable conclusion.

This bitch trippin fr.

I put in my headphones and started listening to The Crying Game by Nicki Minaj. I could say it went perfectly with the way I was feeling. Teresa had no clue what I went through. She never got her ass on a hospital bed. Yeah it's her job, but sometimes you can't fully understand a person without knowing what was like and feeling that connection.

I mean I can't blame her for wanting to help, but she couldn't and that's the thing I hated. Nobody could help me because they've never gone through what I went through.

"Tori?" She asked. I haven't even realized that I was silent all this time. I was apparently having a loud conversation in my head. A lot goes on in there.

"Um sorry I was just thinking" I said while taking one of my headphones off.

"Tori, have you been practicing self harm??"

"Well that question was unexpected" I laughed. "Of course not." I didn't practice self harm, I did self harm. But what's this gotta do with her?

These hoes can't mind their business to save their life.

"Tori, Dr Lenner found marks on your arms shortly after he ran the tests. This is dangerous. Is something going on?"

"Yeah, I think it's called life" I joked.

"Tori be serious" she said sternly. I could tell she was mad because she had a vein or two popping out that eraser head of hers. "This is not funny. Do you know how many people die because of this? You didn't even think of mentioning this during any of our talks? Especially when I asked you myself were you going to hurt yourself because of this?"

Good point.

"My life story has a lock around the book. I don't unlock it for anyone at anytime. The most I do is give them the key, but they're too clueless to know what to do with it. I hope that answers your question." I paused for a second. "Actually, I don't. I hope you remain clueless and leave me alone."

"We both know I can't do that Tori. You aren't in good shape right now. I'll just come back when your ready" she said, taking out a cigarette. She did this usually to try to focus and take her mind off things.

Well what did she expect? What shape was I supposed to be in? I wasn't going to cooperate with her after finding out something as devastating as this is. Like I'm not the type to use my illness or whatever as an excuse or nothin but she needs to know when to give someone their space. I didn't wanna see anyone right now, like who would? I just wanted time to think things out.

I wish there was a blade here. I couldn't stand this. Once again, I had so much to say but nobody worthy enough to say it to. So I took it out on myself. When I had these loud conversations in my head, it resulted in psychiatric treatment. That's the shit I don't like. The people in my life were so quick to judge me without having any clue about me.

Teresa was about to leave but dropped something. As I leaned in to look at it, I saw what seemed like a mug shot. As she left, I could see a muscular shadow with flowers walk in. I took two more seconds to process the man standing in front of me.

It was Dave.

__________________________

Hey guys. I was really in my ghetto mood while I was writing this I really don't know why. But yeah, I had to make Tori face Dave at one point. I would've include their conversation in this chapter but it would be too long, so you'll see in the next one. But, I do have a few questions.

What do you think Rose was about to say?

Who do you think was in the mug shot?

Why did Dave really come?

Vote/comment guys (totally optional)

Talk to ya soon.