Dying Is Easy Living Is Harder

chapter 13

^the song for this chapter

Morning

*Kushina awoke to the glare of the sun in her eyes*

Kushina:mh...Minato close the damn window..

*When she didn't get a response she groaned and opened her eyes she squinted as the sin hit her now open eyes she tried to get up but she couldn't a weight in her chest prevented her from doing so, she looked down expecting to see Minato's face but her eyes went wide as she saw her son sleeping face cuddling closer to her chest more specifically to her heart hearing her heartbeat it soothed him*

*That's when the event of the last week came back to her mind tears fell from her face as she pets Naruto's hair and just looked at her now grown up son he looked so pale giving he only used ice jutsu it's yo be expected but still her mother instincts kicked into 11*

Kushina: he's so pale when was the last time he got any sunlight ? He needs to get out more...oh! We can have a beach day!!

*Naruto squirmed making Kushina flinch but was thankfully when Naruto didn't wake up*

Kushina:wait why..why was i relief that he didn't wake up? I wanted this, i wanted to find my son to be close with my son then why did i feel fear but..now that I'm here now that he's in my arms it all just feels so...real..my boy is here in my arms but I've already missed so much..

*Without realizing tears started to fall form her face*

Kushina:i missed his first word,i missed his first jutsu, i missed his very first step, he was very skilled when i let him win did he already kill? Who was there for him when he had to take a life for the first time who comforted him..?how...how many firsts did i miss..?

*The more she thought of it the more her guilt started to grow and eat on her soul the more she regretted sacrificing her life, and for what Konoha? What good has Konoha done for her?  To her son? There was nothing she could think off*

Kushina:i gave my life so you could have a good life in Konoha but..it was anything but..you needed a mother and i took that from you because of my blind faith for Konoha you has suffered so much because of Kakashi, because of the council, because of Jiraiya, because of Minato because of..

*That's when more tears fell as she started chocking up*

Kushina:because of me..

*Tears fell from her face only this time it wasn't tears of happiness but of heartbreak*

Kushina:oh Naruto I'm..I'm so so sorry...

*Tears fell from kushina's face to Naruto's cheek Kushina couldn't stop crying she couldn't even stop looking at him now Kushina was the one scared, scared that if she stopped looking at Naruto he would get hurt again, she was scared that if she blinked Naruto would grow up and she would lose more years of his life Kushina was so out of it she didn't hear the door opened or someone walking inside*

Tsunade:ah you're awake good

*Kushina didn't even acknowledge her old sensei she didn't even move when Tsunade sat next to her*

Kushina: he's...si big when did he grow so big he used to be so small i could hold his whole body with both hands..

*Tsunade sighed*

Tsunade:sadly the world doesn't stop spinning Kushina time moves forward with or without us..

Kushina:do..do you know what his first word was?

Tsunade:you know you're little Naruto is a prodigy and very Smart for his age
..it was a Tuesday..

Flashback Tsunade as narrator