Josephine Swan never thought she would be drawn into the world of K-Pop during her stay in South Korea. Every day she faces challenges that fate has in store for her and her four members.
"𝙇𝙚𝙩'𝙨 𝙬𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙝𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙧𝙮 𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙣𝙤𝙬...
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Tiredly, my eyes gazed at the flat-screen TV and tried to process what was being said coming out of the protagonists' mouths. The other three sat on the couch next to me, similarly drained. But I doubted any of us could concentrate on the K-drama on TV. Today and Yang Hyun-suk's harsh criticism left too much of a mark.
Jinny sat up slowly and grabbed her forehead with her hand before brushing her dyed blonde hair back. Her dark hairline was already showing through the blonde.
"We need to get better at our appearance, especially regarding our group dances," she said after a while.
"I can't believe that even after months of training, we're still nervous and tense when we go in front of the CEO and producers," Hannah commented, shaking her head.
"Honestly...I'm just happy that today has come to an end without any of us having to leave the group," said Su-a beside me and we nodded in relief.
♛
"So...how did your first monthly assessment go?" asked Jihe curiously and Ahri next to me looked at me eagerly. Melanie and Lan, who were sitting opposite us, also looked intently in my direction. I just shrugged my shoulders. The assessment was two days ago by now, in four weeks the next one would take place.
"We did worst in the group dance because we were too nervous and unfocused at the beginning," I explained slowly.
"But that's understandable...I mean...I would be nervous too if I tried something completely new and had to be strictly tested about it already a little later." argued Melanie confusedly, while the Chinese girl next to her just shook her head.
"You don't understand...the slightest mistake caused by fear or distractions in performance costs many trainees their training. Many entertainment companies expect almost complete perfection on the part of their charges," she replied to the German. Jihe nodded in agreement and looked at me.
"And the rest? The group performance and your solo song?" she pecked cautiously.
"He was more partial to the group performance than the dance and my solo song..." I said, breaking off as I remembered my performance. I could still feel the excitement in my body as I thought of the eager stares of the other trainees. The hard and expectant eyes of the producers and the CEO as I stood before them. Goosebumps crept down my back and made my little hairs stand out.
The other girls looked at me intently, oblivious to the food on their plates.
"...I was incredibly tense and shaky. I had the feeling that thousands of pairs of eyes were focused on me. I felt like I was standing in court as a defendant in a murder trial. It was scary and nerve-wracking!" I explained to them quietly, sprinkling their sympathetic looks.
"I can't believe these evaluations have taken more energy and strength out of me than the strenuous training last week," I said softly.
The corners of my mouth twitched.
"The camera was on me the whole time and I was convulsively trying to block out all the people, staring over their heads at the wall. And at some point...".
The other girls pushed through their backs and leaned more across the table in my direction as I slowly sank back into my thoughts.
"Once the nervousness and tension fell away from me...I don't know..." I mumbled towards the end more to myself than paying attention to my four listeners.
I remembered my first audition in the recording studio.
The feeling of release became stronger and clearer with each successive word sung. The music, how enveloped my body and I could feel the sounds in every corner until I finally called them out loud through my voice. How the people present faded more and more into the background until they finally disappeared and I stood alone in the room.
Just me, the music and my voice.
A state I still could not fully understand.
Even Yang Hyun-suk's criticism of my solo song still left me surprised. Due to my lack of experience in singing, I had expected him to harshly criticise every word that came out of my mouth. The beginning of the song alone was halting and tense as I convulsively tried to ignore the audience watching me, as Yang Hyun-suk had already indicated in the review. But instead, he left it at that and left me with a twitch at the corner of my mouth.
A state I had not expected, nor anticipated.
I blinked several times in front of me and met the glances of my former roommates, who after a while both nodded in understanding. Probably our conversation after my first audition was still present in their minds and they guessed what I was getting at.
"And how did the other trainees do? Was anyone asked to leave?" asked Melanie cautiously and I immediately shook my head.
"No...at least not the trainees who were on site with us and were also tested," I explained.
"And what are they like...the other girls?" asked Lan and I could only shrug my shoulders. The other group consisted of five other girls of Asian descent, whom I caught a glimpse of during my first visit to YG Entertainment. They also left a lasting impression on their monthly reviews, though they too were similarly harshly criticised by the CEO as we were. They were the current favourites regarding a possible debut. Originally, Hannah, Su-a, Jinny, as well as a few other girls were also part of the group, but over time they were separated or had to discontinue their education.
"We have only met briefly in the corridors or seen each other once or twice in the cafeteria. Their schedules are different from ours, so we haven't had much contact so far. But according to the others, they seem like nice girls," I replied.
"Anyway...we are happy and proud that you have been able to complete your first month so far," said Ahri and the others smiled in agreement.
"Me too," I said quietly, knowing that the same would be waiting for me next month.
