Josephine Swan never imagined that her stay in South Korea would lead her into K-Pop's glittering and challenging world. Each day, she encounters new hurdles and adventures that fate has in store for her and her four team members. Between gruelling...
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A few of my smaller strands of hair adjusted themselves to the fluttering wind and gently stroked the skin of my cold face while Lisa's seated figure swung ever higher and faster between the triangular swing frame. Her blonde hair swivelled in every direction like mine and, in its fullness, broadly covered her mouth so that her loud laughter and giggles echoed partly muffled across the playground.
With a broad smile on my lips, my left hand quickly grasped the tall vertical wooden post and pulled my body out of the path of the swinging swing. The silver chains, sturdily attached to the upper crossbar, crunched extensively under the continuous swinging and the exerted force of the swings' arms and legs. Quiet giggling, accompanied by the loud shaking of stamping and running feet, caused the sturdy connecting piece between the two uprights to tremble slightly and made my gloved hands vibrate under the wood before the familiar squeaking of the metal slide joined the rest of the background noise.
The large boat-like structure made of thick painted wood combined in its abundance and design a range of possible play activities, including fantasy storytelling, swinging, sliding, climbing, shimmying, catching and offering masses of hide-and-seek alternatives.
The many different facilities within our complex at Han River Bamseom Apartments offered a diverse range of play options and recreational stays alongside the simple green spaces, forest trails, roads, and car parks. Wide picnic tables and generously distributed training equipment for young people and adults were dotted around the play area, supporting the promised and required assortment of age and parent groups to be found there.
"She's about to roll over..." despite the tenderness of her voice, my body flinched under the suddenness and unexpectedness so that the mighty shock of surprise immediately made the carelessness of my mind disappear.
"That's only possible to a limited extent..." I replied with a relieved sigh and pointed at the rubbing chains.
"The non-rigid chains or ropes prevent any rollover, which is a presumed safety precaution in playgrounds given some encouraging children. As soon as they approach a certain point on the swing, the ropes or chains slacken and take the power out of the swing," I explained to her quietly as our heads followed Lisa's legs' rhythmic stretching and bending as they swung closer and closer to horizontal.
"Have you been able to talk to her yet?" After a while of shared silence, Jennie asked me, tilting her head suggestively towards the wide picnic table at the edge of the bare playing area. I immediately recognised Choi's slumped, seated figure in the middle of the table; her slender legs seemed to be pressed tightly together due to the heat, while the incipient December wind caused her chin-length black hair to swirl continuously around her pale face.
"Not really..." I replied, mumbling and looking anxiously at the Korean woman, who was increasingly lost in thought and sometimes absent-minded.
"Every time we try to speak to her, she says she's fine. But..." Jennie began, shaking her head.
"....man can't and shouldn't force it in this case," I emphasised quietly, my mind unconsciously reminding me of the conflicts and arguments I had to deal with mentally, especially with my overflowing thoughts and feelings.
Hannah's words as we said goodbye rang instinctively in my ears.
"I know this situation still overwhelms you, and you still have many unanswered questions."
"The conversation with Yang Hyun-suk has taken its toll on her... and it takes time to process what has happened and to control and sort out the chaos that has arisen inside her and bring it into an order or sequence that seems reasonable to her," I explained from experience and rubbed my fingers thoughtfully over the smooth wood of the beam before my fingers felt a small thread on the edge of my long sleeve. Thoughtfully, I carefully rolled the thin string between my leather-covered fingers.
"But... you can only answer these questions if you continue on this path."
"You have to become aware of the thread of your life again, which has been damaged by negative criticism, consequences or other unforeseen events and has presumably been impaired about the intended path within your desirable ideas," I said almost absently and stroked my fingertips leisurely over the splitting ends of the loosening fibres.
"You're a strong person, Josie. Outwardly, as well as inwardly. And you will find your answers...eventually."
"Although Choi's situation differs greatly from mine, our respective emotional states are similar. I also needed enough time...to reflect and adjust to some changing circumstances in my life, including the beginning of my K-Pop training and my unexpected transition into this group," I explained quietly, but my words rang in my ears as if through a thick fog.
My grey eyes returned to Jennie, whose white sclera shone suspiciously in the little sunlight streamed in. Her chest rose and fell again, accompanied by a great cloud of fine vapours of warm exhaled air. I watched as the whitish-coloured thing hovered in the air for a short time and soon sank into the invisibility of the rest of the surrounding air.
"I know... we know... that you're right in your judgement, Josie," she repeated, taking a deep breath and leaning against the wooden frame of the swing.
"And over our years of training, each of us has found ourselves in one or more similar situations with Yang Hyun-suk and his subordinates. As for my experience, they once told me how inadequate I was at direct delivery. Apparently, I was too shy in their eyes... and sometimes seemed insecure in front of the audience," she said in a depressed voice, her lips curling into a thin line.
"The training is hard... the criticism is usually harder," she concluded honestly, and the previous tenderness was replaced by profound rigidity.
A realistic and plausible reason to contradict her in this statement evaporated and was lost in the deep void of possible answers.
Our days, weeks, and months were filled with hours of training, repetition, and extra practice sessions, yet at times, we were accompanied by a feeling of inadequacy on the part of the entertainment. In their opinion, every planned preparation, every dance move made, and every note sung was at times considered inadequate and deficient on our part, so the long-standing pressure and deep disappointment flourished.
At times, the life of a K-Pop trainee seemed like a hopeless situation, a stalemate.
