Josephine Swan never thought she would be drawn into the world of K-Pop during her stay in South Korea. Every day she faces challenges that fate has in store for her and her four members.
"𝙇𝙚𝙩'𝙨 𝙬𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙝𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙧𝙮 𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙣𝙤𝙬...
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The blackness of the night, which had already fallen, showed between the wide slats of the blinds and gave a glimpse of the few bright stars in the sky, despite Seoul's extensive air pollution.
I felt the hint of a small smile on my lips as I tried to follow Rosé's guitar playing attentively, while I could feel the increasing weight of my increasingly heavy head on my wrist.
I could hear the nylon strings of varying thickness vibrating under the influence of Rosè's slender fingers, forming the heart that spanned much of the guitar and formed a crucial influence on the sound. The hollow eight-shaped wooden body and round sound hole on its top caught the plucking vibrations of the strings and instantly filled the living room with the soft tones and composed melodies of the musical instrument. Her other fingers deftly felt the neck and fretboard of the guitar, her brown eyes orientated to the additional black fret markings on the thin metal sticks and matched the playing chords to the predetermined rhythm of the song emerging in Rosé's mind.
My grey eyes burned and kept startling me out of the daze of incipient sleep, causing the tip of my upright elbow to sink into the deep softness of my pillow. The lined soft blanket that stretched across the dark parquet floor caught our bodies lying on the floor and prevented the uncomfortable cold from penetrating our skin covered in thin fabric.
Carefully, I stretched my body and extremities, which were increasingly painful and strained by the sudden movements in every required muscle group, wanting to rest and relax after the strenuous workouts of the past few days.
"Hey..." said Jennie softly, leaning over her pillow in my direction, her fingers tapping persistently on the white dominant background of her phones, which was punctuated by the many colourfully displayed videos on the side margins. Curiously, my upper body bent towards hers and little hisses escaped me as the unpleasant cracking sounds of my moving joints sounded in my ears.
"Your video has now reached the million mark on YouTube," she said with a smile, lowering the phone so that the black seven-digit number moved closer into my field of vision.
1,055,249 views
I swallowed slightly and my head lowered again onto my pillow while my grey eyes took in the colourless ceiling of the living room. They ran thoughtfully over the few imperfections that shone through and stood out despite the white colour.
"No one will hear you."
My eyes narrowed, al Choi Pil Kang and Park Han-beom's voices breaking through my mind, present as often as my involuntarily recorded singing voice in the last few days.
"You don't like it...do you...?" I heard Ji-soo ask cautiously and opened my eyes. My head spun and caught the appearance of the older Korean woman out of the corner of my eye. The fabric of her pink pyjamas rustled uneasily.
"The video..." she added explanatorily, her dark eyes sparkling under the light.
I nodded silently, brushing back a loose strand of my hair that had come loose with the sudden movement of my head.
"It's just your voice, Josie. Nothing else..." said Ji-soo, a soft compassionate smile forming on her lips.
"I know, but..." I said faltering in my words, looking back up at the white expanse of the ceiling.
"You're alone."
We were not alone.
I was not alone.
Hundreds of people heard our voices, published them and shared them on various forums among their friends and acquaintances. Although the response to the published videos was largely positive and made my face flush with shame, I couldn't stop the feeling of public exposure from tickling through my body and mind, even unconsciously.
"I know I'm probably overreacting or over-interpreting in many eyes regarding my behaviour in this matter..." I said softly before turning my head to Ji-soo once more.
"...and although I'm flattered, it's just that I'm not used to receiving this kind of attention," I added honestly in light of my accumulated experiences regarding my home country and society, whose interest at some point was often directed at my name, title or work and sometimes judged thoughtlessly.
"It's quite unusual...many would most likely take advantage of the attention they receive or...at least enjoy it to some degree." Choi's voice rang out in surprise and my pillowed head turned over.
The short-haired Korean woman sat with her back leaning against the black leather sofa, her almost black eyes reflecting the bright screen of the mobile phone she was holding. Her long fingers seemed unusually cramped, recognisably showing the small complex strands of muscle that stretched from her bones to her fingertips.
I just shook my head.
"I don't deny that there are always exceptions who exploit the power of the limelight for their purposes or who want to maintain or increase society's attention on their person because it gives them a certain power. But I usually try not to judge a person with similar implied behaviour too strongly at first, because most people cannot always understand its background or are completely unaware of it. Ignorance can quickly lead to premature prejudice or harsh criticism and hurt the person in question," I answered her uprightly.
"You said that very nicely, Josie," said Ji-soo and the others also nodded in agreement, their interest had turned from their playful activities to our conservation.
"It sounds like you already have experience in this area," Choi said apprehensively and my breathing faltered slightly, allowing me to feel the blood from my head involuntarily recede into the nether regions, leaving a white pale skin on my face.
Blinking my eyes, I looked at the girls, my gaze fastening on their curious eyes.
"To be someone who stands out from the rest of the parties and people of this world unexpectedly stands out from the great crowd of the same individuals...it's no secret that the power of the limelight can be very seductive." I deftly evaded.
"...Because that scenario will most likely come to pass once the debut is publicly announced and the group takes centre stage," I said and the girls lowered their heads thoughtfully.
"And, at some point in any career, it will be to face the challenge of dealing responsibly and reliably with the growing attention and spotlight, because it can and will...change many things in one's life...in positive and also negative ways."
