Josephine Swan never imagined that her stay in South Korea would lead her into K-Pop's glittering and challenging world. Each day, she encounters new hurdles and adventures that fate has in store for her and her four team members. Between gruelling...
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I sighed.
"I always assumed my place was in Britain. I was born there, grew up there and went to school there. Even the university I wanted to attend after my stay in South Korea is in my home country. My future there was secure and suddenly I find myself in a foreign place. A place that puts me in situations that just made me forget about my secure future in the UK." I said quietly, avoiding eye contact with Hannah by looking at the screen of my laptop.
"And now...I've been sitting here thinking about why I decided to take this one step for quite some time. A step that evolved from a simple little offer and brought me to this place." I continued to add without looking up.
Silence fell in the room as soon as the words left my lips.
I was finally able to say it.
It was a mystery to myself how I could bury these thoughts deep inside for three months without being overwhelmed by them. I knew that I was often haunted by such thoughts as soon as I found the necessary peace and solitude. But being aware of these worries and speaking them out was another challenge.
Especially since not many girls and boys found themselves in my situation. Many trainees had shown an interest in singing or dancing for a long time before finally applying for a place at one of the many entertainments. I, on the other hand, had only paid limited attention to music in recent years, mostly in connection with my sporting activities.
I had never aspired to a career in this field.
Now it was Hannah's turn to sigh.
"All of us have concerns...even the best of us! Maybe we don't share the same fears and anxieties, but they are always present!" I heard Hannah say after a while and finally dared to look up. Hannah had pulled her legs towards her body while her arms held her legs tightly. Her chin was between her knees, and her brown eyes fixed intently on me.
"I can understand your fear, Josie. But your place in this world is no longer just in Britain, it's in South Korea too. I can't answer your question of why, I can at best make assumptions. In other words...only you can answer that question".
"You wouldn't be part of the entertainment, you wouldn't be part of our group, and you wouldn't be starting your third month if some part of you didn't think it belonged here!" she said, glancing at me across the table before sinking back into the chair.
"And yet...it didn't feel right in my eyes to be here. I became an apprentice out of pure luck, not because of hard work and the will to achieve that goal." I replied and I saw Hannah shake her head.
"There are many kinds of luck in the world, Josie. It may be why you find yourself in such a place, but it is not, in my view, why you are still a part of our entertainment. Because luck is not to be confused with talent. And you have talent!" said Hannah.
"I...we heard you sing, Josie! And we've seen you dance. Despite your reservations about being here, we can see how seriously you take your daily training! And it's not just us who see it...the producers and Yang Hyun-suk too. Even the other trainees see it." Hannah said forcefully.
Again there was silence between us and I let her words sink in.
Of course, it did not escape my notice that I had by now left behind two exhausting and nerve-wracking monthly evaluations. However, in my opinion, it bordered on a great miracle to have survived another month. Even with the help of my daily training, I was still the least experienced of the girls and needed extra training to keep up with the others.
"I still remember the first solo song that you sang as a trainee. John Legend's All of Me." Hannah began after a while and smiled at me.
"I remember." I just said softly, thinking of the gentle piano ballad dedicated to the artist's now wife.
"We could see how excited you were...your legs and hands were shaking when you stepped in front of the producers and the CEO. Even your voice was shaking with adrenaline." she laughed softly and I couldn't help but a small grin.
"And then...with each new line, you became more relaxed. Your voice became softer and more soulful. Even the octaves you hit flawlessly at the right moments as if there were years of work behind them." Hannah said, her voice by now resembling a whisper, while I could only look at her with wide disbelieving eyes.
Through my vocal training, I heard my voice through the recordings that played over and over again, but it was still in the early stages of its development, according to me, as was much of mine. There were better voices amid our entertainment.
"Please...don't exaggerate, Unnie," I said awkwardly, lowering my eyes.
"Do I? I've come to believe that your fear of the unknown, is keeping you from realising your true potential," replied Hannah instead.
"I've seen you close your eyes and lose yourself in the music. You blocked out everyone and everything at that moment and focused only on the music. You sang with your heart, expressing your feelings...and that, right there, spoke to everyone else in the room!" she continued, her legs slowly sliding from the chair to the floor before she finally stood up. I looked at her, still stunned and embarrassed.
"You deserve to be here and do your best! You belong in this entertainment and most of all you belong in this world. The world of music!" she finally said towards the end and slowly moved away from the dining table. I watched her thoughtfully until the bedroom door closed behind her.
