Josephine Swan never thought she would be drawn into the world of K-Pop during her stay in South Korea. Every day she faces challenges that fate has in store for her and her four members.
"𝙇𝙚𝙩'𝙨 𝙬𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙝𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙧𝙮 𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙣𝙤𝙬...
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I heard Kim Gyeong sigh softly beside me.
"In our first lesson together, I indicated that a free posture, with the chest upright and resting in balance, was essential for good breath control in singing, without exception," my vocal teacher reminded me, and I just continued to nod in silence.
"The overall posture was not only directed by the passive holding devices, such as bones, ligaments, tendons and the resting,- and active musculature in the area of the respiratory tract...but can also go deeper...such as the mental state..." he added quietly and I felt his dark brown eyes on me in the next moment.
"When there is an imbalance, the overall harmony of the body is disturbed and makes the singing performance of the performer more difficult, as in this case.".
Closing my eyes, I leaned my forehead against the heels of my two hands. Their coldness penetrated the warm layer of my skin, allowing the high temperature to lower for a few seconds before giving way and adjusting due to the continued steady warmth.
"I'm not going to lie, Josie..." he continued, taking another deep breath.
"But...your unresolved and lack of inner balance is preventing you from moving forward regarding your training. A fact that will be an exceedingly big problem for you, as well as the rest of your members, when you perform alone and together at the end of this month."
"It is mostly up to one's level of experience as a teacher and trainer to be aware of the concerns and thoughts of a student or trainee to some degree. Even though many of our charges come from different cities or even countries, they often think and act the same or similar because of their common goal. However...each of these boys and girls will always reach a crucial but important point within their education and career-related future." he said clearly and the seriousness in his voice only made me sink into my hands even more, with a greater than average desire to hide from the truth.
An impossible endeavour.
"A point to be mentally grappled with!" my singing teacher said with moderate harshness in his voice.
"And a point...that has been with you steadily since before you began your training in our entertainment, and given your current state, has reached one of its peaks!".
Finally, I looked up and met his eyes, which looked at me with a sufficient sternness of a teacher. From them spoke the truth that had been announced. I averted my eyes again and relaxed my posture. My elbows left red marks on my thighs as I straightened my upper body and lowered my back against the back of the chair.
My lungs expanded and I felt like I could breathe better again.
"You're right...about everything..." I said after a while and my voice rasped with emotion. I felt my eyes suddenly start to burn and I squinted them desperately. A desperate smile appeared on my lips.
"Even after two weeks...I'm having a lot of trouble getting used to the idea of being a member of a debut group." I explained, capturing the adult Korean's face blurred by tears. He remained sitting motionless as I smiled slightly.
"I know many trainees, regardless of entertainment and experience, envy me this place," I said, laughing softly as my mind began to wander.
"It's almost amusing...how many conversations I've had on these topics or similar in the last few months alone...with my former housemates, family, members...myself.".
"Conversations that were important and necessary...because they led you to this place and this particular place." Kim Gyeong quickly interrupted me.
"But a place that, despite all the conversations, I still feel I shouldn't be in!" I said quickly, addressing the core of his previous statements.
The fear of not being good or perfect enough.
I took another deep breath.
"Through all the initial conversations, over time I was able to accept being a member and apprentice. At some point, I no longer felt like...I had been recruited just out of pure luck...but..." I broke off the sentence and just shook my head.
"But a member of the debut group...it seems unrealistic to have received such a promotion after only a few months, for which many of the trainees have worked for years. Two of my current members alone can boast almost half a decade of training.".
My singing teacher was silent before he too leaned back in his chair and looked at me with his arms folded.
"Most would be proud..." he said after a while and I looked at him warily. His brown eyes sparkled.
"Proud...Proud...PROUD..." he repeated louder and louder in my direction, making me flinch slightly. Finally, he leaned towards me.
Uncertainly, I looked at him.
"It is not up to education to form talent in a person, but to develop together with the necessary potential".
"The moment you acknowledged your talent to sing and dance...at the same time your potential started to grow and develop! It allowed you to be more confident in your work and your performance!" he explained.
"In your last monthly assessment, you took over the dance choreographies while your singing parts exceeded much of your vocal range without breaking or straining your body movements under the strain. You had your breathing and posture under control at all times." he described my performance and leaned back against the backrest again.
A smile appeared on my teacher's face.
"And I'm sure...that underneath the great accumulation of worries and thoughts currently flowing through your head...I will find a small spark of pride and joy in your achievements and hard work so far. Buried deep, but existing nonetheless.".
Thoughtfully, still unsettled, I looked at him.
His words struck, piercing my ears and seeking their way to the centre of my brain.
A spectrum of various veiled scenarios of recent assessments played out before my eyes.
I felt fear and initial panic.
Excitement and concentration.
Calm and detachment.
Peace.
I inhaled sharply and a fresh wave of tears came over me. Before I could close my eyes, the first tear ran down my cheek.
Pride.
I quickly wiped it away with my finger before nodding.
