Our Secret little Rendezvous

The storage room

📌 Written by me

———————— Chapter 8

I hate him. Hatehatehatehatehate him. He is everywhere he is in my mind and the second I stop thinking about him is the second he is standing in front of me.

And the worst thing is that I don't hate it. I should hate it.

I should say no if he wants to see my work. I should tell him I can't meet him when he texts me and I'm busy. I should say no when he asks me to go out with him. I should call my friends when I want company. Text my friend when I'm bored. He is my friend technically.

I should not call him or text him. I should not leave everyone so I can meet him. I should not enjoy being around him that much. But I still say yea. I still do it.

I let him see my work and I give him nicknames, I always say yes even when I'm busy. He asks and I say yes even when I had said no since my first year he asks I tell him, yes. It's weird and cringe and not what I should do. But I do it anyway.

Just like I text him every little chance I got. He probably thinks I'm weird.

But every time I'm not with him I wish he was there with me and when I'm with him I want the moment to last forever. Now I do understand what Alex Volkov meant.

I shouldn't feel this way but maybe I'm just reading too much into it, maybe I just like spending time with him as a friend. Maybe that's all, just because we're having sex it doesn't mean that everything I do have deeper meaning and I read to many books about love.

„What's that supposed to mean?"

„That all you read, are book about people falling in love."

Maybe he is right..

It's getting annoying. He is everywhere, literally.

Yesterday he was at the bookstore, no one ever goes there but he did of course. Not nonono one else but- Why am I explaining what I'm thinking to myself? Anyways. It's not his fault he wants to read neither it's his fault he wants to drink a coffee but the universe got a problem with me and let him do everything when I'm there just like the universe wants me to fall in love with him.

But even if it wants me too I would never do it. I know I can't control it, read enough to know that but I know I won't. Why am I even thinking about it?

"I think blue might be my new favourite color."

I shake my head. Get. Out. Of. My. Head.

„What are you thinking about, Penelope?", Mrs. Baker asks me, I look up, I totally forget she was here. „Nothing" I answered while taking a sip of my hot chocolate.

„So it's a boy!" she says with excitement and a big smile. „I've been waiting so long for that, who is it?", she once told me, she never had the chance to have children, she also told me her biggest wish was to have a daughter. Life suck's for the nicest people.

I look at her but don't answer. „Oh c'mon don't be so uptight"

„I'm not uptight!" I defend myself. I'm really not. I just don't like to talk about Oliver with other people.