Our Secret little Rendezvous

Past

📌 Written by me duh

❗️mentioning of abusive relationship

———————— Chapter 26

I look down at the same picture I looked at a few months ago. And it breaks me every time I do, like it's a pair of scissors cutting into my soul taking another piece of me, till at some point there is nothing left to take.

Why would I keep it? Why can't I move on? Why can't I just trow it away? Why didn't I leave?

I keep letting him take pieces of me, even after he left. Even after I took a plane to another country, he keeps taking pieces, when will it stop?

I can hear myself cry, and I hate me for that. I had so many opportunities to just leave, but I was so obsessed with having someone to love me that I ignored it all, till I was deep down, in love with an abuser.

What if I am doing it again? I learned to not trust words but actions, but what if even these are not real. What will I do when it happens again? Will I keep the picture on me and stay till the really last second, or do I leave? Speak up and don't keep quiet for peace?

I don't want to find out, but I want to change the past. Which is impossible. And even if I pretend that I don't want to talk to anyone about it, it's what my soul needs.

But there is nobody. My parents pretend it never happened, Micah blames me for not leaving, and I don't need the pity of anyone. I don't want my friends to walk on eggshells around me. I don't want to be that kind of friend.

So it's just my thoughts, and it breaks me, if I would ever tell anyone about it, they would never look at me the same again.

I sometimes imagine how I'm speaking to Oliver about it and tell myself that I will do that the next time I see him. I never do, he is too important. I can't risk him to leave me for not being strong enough to do something.

I look into the mirror just to see my in tear soaked face. I look so pathetic, all about a piece of paper that is years old. I trow it out of my hands into the ground, never stopping crying.

"Hey Blue, Ava, let me in a..." I look to the side and see Ollie walk into the room.

Fuck.Fuck.Fuck.Fuck.Fuck. I try to wipe away my tears, but it's too late. He closes the door and walks over to me, before then sitting down. "What's wrong, why are you crying?" he asks as I think with what I should reply.

Telling him about it now would be the smartest thing to do, I suppose. I have to tell him, I can't lie forever. "I- I have to tell you something." he nods, waiting for me to continue.

"But you can't tell anyone about it. Not a soul!"

"Yes, of course. Gosh, Penelope, you're scaring me. What is it?"

I take the picture I just trow away and put it into his hand, he saw it before. "That's my Ex, the last one I dated before you. You know that I think."

"Anyway, he worked at that Café next to my old school. I used to go there with Enola to study, I thought he was cute, but didn't do anything about it." I say, avoiding eye contact.

"He wrote down his number on my order, and it seemed like the cutest thing. I texted him and we started dating. Everything was great, he was nice most of the time."

"Most of the time?" he asks, and I nod.

"I've never talked to anyone about it, so it's a bit hard." I tell him laughing, but he doesn't laugh or smile, he just waits for me to continue.

"At first it was alright. Well no, not alright but better. I once talked to one guy in my school. He thought I was cheating at locked me into his room for hours, so I would learn my lesson."

"You know it's funny I thought it was my fault, that if I hadn't cheated, what I didn't even do he wouldn't have gotten so mad." he says nothing, but I can see how shocked he is.

"After a while, he started getting physical. Hitting me, slapping me, all this horrible things." I took all my courage to look him in the face, I knew what he was asking himself, but he didn't what to ask me.

"He didn't...he didn't rape me. He tried once, but that was the last time I saw him. I was lucky that his parents got home."

"Can you believe that an 18-year-old that still lived with his parents was so... I feel horrible for not exposing him, but I had to leave, I didn't want to be the girl who was abusive relationship. Kind of selfish, I guess, but it was all too familiar there."

I closed my thinking that that's it, I told him anything, and he is leaving, no one wants someone broken. But he didn't leave, he hugged me. "I am so sorry that you had to go through something. It's not your fault at all. He should be in prison for what he did to you."

I've never felt so safe, like I do right now, in his arms. I kept on crying, and he holds me and whispered sweet nothing's in my ear. "You are the strongest person I know, Penelope Bloom." he says as he kisses my forehead.

And that's when a very new realization hit me. And I saw it all in a new way. Like I was the bride and someone lifted the veil.

I could finally see clearly. His eyes in our colors like it was meant to be like that. But it isn't just his looks, I always saw how gorgeous he is it's overall him, not a second he did second guess me nor did he ever betray me.

I always thought I wouldn't be able to feel any short of emotions like love, not after what he did to me.

That I'm mentally just not made for that. I swear to god the nicest people, the one that would be perfect for me, didn't get me to feel a single butterfly.

I thought something was wrong with me, that I'm crazy, that I'd end up with hundreds of cats. But then there was Oliver, my smartass, suddenly there was more than black and white and the butterflies went crazy. He is the only person who's perfect for me and that I'm perfect for, it took me a while to figure it out, but now I know.

I want him and only him. I wouldn't be able to want another person.

It's him, in a thousand of lifetimes, in a hundred of ways, it's him. I tried to deny it all for so long, but he is my home and safe spot.

"You are alright?" he asks, and I smile before kissing him.

I love Oliver Joseph Cunningham jr.

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I'm like very good with titles like you can see