falling

ghosts

a day before

Buuh – Someone says behind me, trying and failing to scare me. I smile instantly and turn around to see the same smile on his face. He brings me into his arms for a tight hug.

B: Hey girly

J: Hey oldie

He chuckles and I smile wider. It's good to see a very missed face after the five days I have had.I am not in my most cheery mood, but he is one of the few people that can still make me smile. He is easy and chill to be around, and he doesn't bother or judge me. He is a great listener, and his advice is always thoughtful and considerate even when they are painfully honest. Something his fiancee could learn from him.

B: "Wow. Look at you! Have you become taller?" – he says as we part and stand facing each other.

And his humor, which resembles mine, British and bold, American and light, that's why we often get one another when even my sister doesn't.

J: "No. You've just become smaller. It comes with age..." - I pat his shoulder in a fake- comforting way

He chuckles again and we continue with small talk and jokes through the terminal and out to the parking lot.

B: "Chloe said to pick up sushi and wait for her. She'll be home around 9PM. You hungry?"

J: "No. I had chips on the plane"

B: "Oh. Really nutritious then"

J: "Whatever... I wanted a beer, but they carded me"

He gives me a look of disapproval from the drivers seat, like an older brother or father would.

J: "Don't look at me like that"

B: "I didn't say anything"

An uncomfortable silence followed. I had a feeling he wanted to say something else, but we haven't seen each other in months and it wasn't the place or time. But I knew I hadn't heard the last of this.

B: "How is school?" - he goes for neutral territory 

J: "Its fine"

B: "Still thinking about sociology next year?

J: "Yeah. Probably. How is work?"

B: "Good. Really good actually. You've seen Mio lately? - says proudly 

J: I have - I can't help but be proud of him

B: He is thriving at Barca. And Dante is doing good in the States. And I signed a new guy a couple months ago. He is still in HS but, he is gonna be something. Raw talent.

J: Fotball?

B: Basketball. Its tough in Europe, but if we get out to Spain or France and then eventually the States, we'll take the same road as Dante. Though I have a feeling this kid is better than Dante was in his years. 

J: Cool. You are keeping busy

B: Yeah... as one flies out to the world, I have more time for another. But, I think this is my peek. Three people. They are in different stages of their careers which makes it exciting for me to manage. They are also scattered around which means travels and Zoom meetings at 3AM, and I think that's enough of what Chlo' and I need in our lives right now. 

I smile and nod. He is so protective of my sister. I love it.

J: Cool

B: Are you still writing?

I shrug

J: Sometimes...

B: You really should do something about that... I mean I don't know much about it, but I know you have been told that by people with a lot more expertise in the field, you just need a slight structure. And that's easily achieved with a 10-week course. I know there are many of them here in London, probably in Oslo too.

J: Probably. So what are the plans for the New Years?

I didn't want to talk about boring stuff anymore. About school, careers and futures. I was so tired of school and couldn't wait to get away from high school next year. I haven't thought much about anything. Sociology is something I wanted to do before, now I have no idea and I didn't want to think about it now when I am in London on my vacation from that stupid school. Everyone is so stressed out about it. I think it's hilarious. I just want to spend more time with Dylan, which I will be able to since I won't have to go to classes. Just drive around the city in his car, have fun, be free, be together. When he wants to.

B: Ah, Chloes label is hosting a party

Brandons voice wakes me from my dreaming

..."there will be various people there in one of the hippest clubs here in London. I think you'll enjoy yourself.

J: I think so too. I am ready to party. 

He smiles at me. I give him one back. I sense he still wants to say something, but he is good at holding his tongue for now.

Ten more minutes are spent driving to their apartment in silence. The radio playing some soothing pop while I type on my phone... to mum, dad, Charlotte and Dylan.

Not that he cares much, the last time we spoke was five days ago at a party where he was kissing some other girl, so I went and did the same, hooked up with a random dude. Dylan didn't care much, while I couldn't ignore the burning hole in my heart that left me hurt and jealous. Five days later I am still hurting. While he is unreachable. That's our cycle. He comes when he needs me. I want him all the time, but only get him when he wants me. Thats why I decided three days ago to come to London and visit my sister and her fiancee, and spend the New Years with them.