falling

one way or another

The next day, and my last day in London is spent in Notting Hill with my sister. We walk the market which I love. I buy new red Converse, and a new eyeliner. Chloe buys flowers and fruit. We eat at my favorite fish and chips bar and afterwords we walk through Kensington Park which I love even during the winter.

They used to rent an apartment in Notting Hill when they first started dating, a few months after Chloe came to London. So whenever I visited we were mainly around here. It had everything so you didn't need to go anywhere else. Especially if I just came over the weekend. I love it here. They bought an apartment in Chelsea area two years ago, and I love it there too but, a trip to Notting Hill whenever I visit is mandatory.

Last night was fun, after the kitchen encounter. 

We have the hallway encounter and the kitchen encounter, they are all getting their own chapters in my book haha. 

Anyway after the almost kiss in the kitchen the rest of the night was entertaining. When the movie ended we turned up the volume on the music and mingled. Dela and I found out we were both 1D fans a couple years back and took to the dance floor in the dining area to "Better than words" and "Best song ever". Hero and his friends were watching intently. I loved Dela, she was just like my friends back home. Afterwards Chloe and Shannon take over and put on Backstreets boys that we also dance too. She mocks me to "Get another boyfriend" I just laugh it off though I notice Hero watching and suddenly finding myself not wanting him to know about Dylan.

I was scrolling on my phone for a song, when he comes over, stands beside me, but because of our height difference he is more towering over me, all the way into me, looking at my phone. He is incredibly close. 

H: Can I request a song?

J: Depends on the song – I try my flirt mode. The kitchen- and hallway encounters, and the watching me dance and stolen looks tonight have all put me in a flirty mode.

H: Anything other than boybands - he says a little pleading, a little mocking

I take a sharp intake of breath as if I am offended, my hand on my chest. He laughs

J: I am offended. What do you have against the fine specimen that are forced to form a boyband?

He laughs again

H: Nothing personal. It's just that we have listened to them for an hour, maybe something else now? - he suggests carefully. I love our sarcastic humor, and when we are on the same wagon.

J: Like what? A little Nicki Minaj?

H: Oh god. No. That's worse

I chuckle

J: Then what?

H: I don't know... Imagine Dragons, The Killers, old Police stuff,

J: Okay... I think I can work with that... which song of the Dragons?

H: Demons?

I make a silly face while saying "Dark"

He laughs. I smile, and notice he doesn't look away

J: What? - I ask smiling

H: You are endearing - he shakes his head

I freeze. There it is again. Endearing. He stops, and turns immediately serious, concerned

H: What? What did I say?

J: You've said that before - I manage to say quietly. I dont know why I am embarrassed, it was a compliment. 

H: What?

J: On New Years... we met

H: Omg

J: When you were trying to hook up with me on the rooftop

N: - he brings his hand over his forehead and shuts his eyes, so embarrassed its adorable - You remember that?

J: I wasn't the one drunk or high or whatever you were

He looks strangely at me

H: I am sorry about that. I was so out line.

J: I thought you didn't remember... you haven't said anything since we met again

H: I am embarrassed that's why I didn't say anything

J: Why? - a little afraid he regrets it which would be worse than forgetting the whole thing all together

H: I don't know. It was so cheesy. I am sorry. Truly.

J: Don't be. Its fine. And hey it worked on someone else, so

H: What? - now he is truly confused

J: I saw you later with a girl. Brown hair. Tall.

H: Oh... yeah. That. Nothing happened there.

J: You don't have to tell me

H: I know. I just. Nothing happened so.

J: Ok. So Demons? – I smile wider

H: Demons – he smiles wider as well

And I play Demons. To a lot of appreciation from the boys.

The evening continued to music, dancing, mingling, and chatting. Hero and I managed to interact with the others, so we didn't have any more embarrassed encounters. (My new favorite word.) We shared looks and smiles from across the room, but that was all. He went to bed before me, as I stayed up with Shannon where I learned that Theo is their cousin. That they know Heros family. His family went through something, and he moved in with Brandon and Shannons parents and attended HS in Paddington. He started originally at a HS in Lambeth, it didn't go well, and he moved in with them, but had to take the year again, as he didn't attend the first time around, that's why he is a year older than the others. 

He and Theo clicked at once. They got to know each other as kids, but when Hero moved up here the friendship really sprung. They are polar opposites but, somehow, they fit. He was a huge help when Hero first came, they enrolled in the same HS and Theo took care of him. Introducing him to his friends, took him to places. Hero eventually found basketball. Those around him saw potential in him in about the same time as Brandon finished management and business school and decided to build his own agency. He took Hero in right away, and is managing him for free, like pro-bono. Wow.

The next day I am disappointed to find out he had left before I came out for breakfast. Brandon as well left for work and Chlo' leaves while I am having breakfast. So I am left alone. 

I call Charlotte and tell her everything Shannon told me last night. She is at the family cabin in Lillehammer for the holidays. I feel like finally "all" my answers about the handsome boy are answered. I am still disappointed he has been gone all day, and I am leaving tomorrow and he knows that. I thought last night was leading to something... at least a kiss. After hanging up with Charlotte, I finally sit down and finish my essay. 

That night we decided to order in and play Monopoly. Hero came home as we were setting up everything for the board game.

C: Hey, just in time. Want to play?

H: No thanks, I am tired. I am just going to hit the shower and go to bed.

C: Oh - she looks at us, Brandon is setting up the game, counting the money, not engaged in the conversation. I look at Hero, trying to read him, his eyes wonder anywhere but, at me.

H: Good night - glances at me briefly, but no trace of the warmth in his eyes.

To say I am disappointed is an understatement. What was that? What happened between last night and tonight? We almost kissed last night and then flirted and now he is ignoring me, even giving me the cold treatment.

I leave London early next morning.