falling

leave the chaos in the past year

The next day I wake up to sentimental rock music from the kitchen, and Brandon singing along which is amusing because he has not a pretty voice. Good thing he is a sports manager. Two minutes later I hear Chloe hushing him down because I am sleeping, and I probably need the rest. I smile to myself, she is such a mother.

Then I hear her yelp in surprise and then laughter from both of them. I roll my eyes at their cheesiness and lovey-dovey ness. But can't help the feeling of finding it cute as well. I want what they have, doesn't everyone? But, with the way things are going with Dylan, I don't think I'll ever have it or feel that way. I'll just be stuck up on him forever. And he'll never give me that. Until he finds someone and marries her, then I'll step back and watch from a distance, in my own solitude.

The day is spent in Richmond park with Chloe before we ring in the new year tonight.

J: I think dad is seeing someone... - I say casually as we sit down on a bench admiring the pond and the flowers surrounding it

C: What? – she almost spits her coffee

J: Yeah...

C: Who? When? How do you know?

J: Well... I don't know for sure... but, ever since he came back from the States he has been so happy and cheery, he is constantly on the phone and not like meetings with the furrow brow, in full concentration mood... you know the serious work face... Its more like smiling and giddy, almost embarrassed by himself.

C: Oh my God - she smiles

J: Yeah... and you know he was like going there for business, but then he extended the stay for another week... and he called to check if it was okay by me first. Cause apparently it was his week with me. I am like I don't care where I stay. I am not 14 anymore. Mums is closer to school anyway. But, he still wanted to make sure I was fine with it, he would take me to Paris in June he promised. And I could call him with whatever I need blabla. He was behaving really strange... and then after coming back he has just been swaying on pink clouds

She laughs

C: But, have you talked to Aiden? What does he say?

J: Yeah, he just shrugged it off. Like nooo. I don't think so, but I mean he is a guy, he doesn't read those vibes. Especially not from his dad. And he said he only saw Dad twice while there. I am like how is that possible you lived in the same apartment for two weeks. And he was like no, our hours were different, and dad had meetings and seminars outta town too so he stayed in hotels sometimes. I am like this is screaming a love affair, but ok.

C: - smiles and laughs - But, how are you... what do you think about it? How do you feel?

J: - chuckles - I don't care. He is an adult. He can do whatever.

C: You sure?

J: Yes. I know I have been a baby after the divorce, but it's been four years now... its fine.

C: You haven't been a baby about it Jojo, you were just a teenager processing your parents divorce.

J: - shrugged – Yeah

She smiled proudly at me and put her arm around my shoulder, nudging me a little

C: I am proud of you

J: For what?

C: For the way you are. The way you have handled it all, and come out on the other side. I know it hasn't been easy for you. Dealing with it... almost alone.

J: I wasn't alone... Kat was there, and my friends... and Dylan.

C: - sighs and nods, change of face – I am gonna say one more thing about that, and then I'll shut up for this trip okay?

I nod. Not believing her for a second, but since she asked so nicely and didn't go straight for the throat as she usually does in talks about him.

C: I know he means a lot to you. I see that. I even remember it. It's not long ago I was in HS. So know I am saying this from experience and from the bottom of my loving and caring heart. I get the love, I get the feelings and butterflies. But, now is the time to take control of your own life, of your own future. This is the time to put yourself first and forget everything else. This is the time for smart choices. You think you're gonna be at many crossroads in life, you are not. Therefor are the ones you get at, especially you at 17, almost 18 now... very important. I am saying this because I love you and I don't want you to miss out on life, on all the amazing things that are or could be around you if you just lift your eyes up and see past him. 

I look at her sincerely. I understand where she is coming from, I do. But its easier said than done.

C: He is standing in your way, and he isn't even your boyfriend. That's just... you are better than that, Jojo. So much better. And you deserve more that that. You deserve the world.

I smile. My eyes getting glossy and I blink quickly a few times to stop it. She smiles back, and holds my hand in my lap.

J: Thank you

C: I love you, little one

J: Love you too

C: Now I think that's our cue to go get ready for the party tonight. 

I smile and we stand up from the bench at the same time. 

C: And I want you to have fun tonight... Promise me that

J: I promise

C: So what are you wearing? - we smile as she hinches her arm through mine and we start walking back to the apartment