falling

hurricane

The next day I wake up to him lying beside me, his head resting on his hand while watching me. I smile up to him, and he returnes one quickly.

H: Good morning – I swear his rusty voice and accent will make me change my mind about last nights conversation about taking it slow, and not rush things

J: Morning – I keep on smiling, still all high on him

H: You, ok?

I nod

J: Are you?

H: Waking up to a beautiful girl in my bed, I am great

I bite my lower lip while smiling. God he is cute. He moves closer and leans down to kiss me. Then backs away and strokes my cheek for a few seconds just staring at me

H: I must use the loo - he kisses me again quickly before rushing off the bed

I turn around and bury my head in the pillow he slept on, smiling and kicking my feet. Omg. What is this? What is happening? Who is this guy? I have never in my life woken up sober next to a guy, let alone a guy I thought was cute and sexy. That makes my hormones go wild, but I still manage to compose myself around and tell that I want to take this slow.

H: Are you hungry? - he asks when he comes back into the room

I nod: "Yeah"

H: You want to go out and have breakfast together?

J: Yeah, sure

I am so lost here. It would have been much easier if we slept together and got along with it this morning. I know that territory. I am a pro at that. But spending the night with someone in their arms, laughing, talking, intimate kissing and making out, having fun and just feeling completely safe and appreciated and cared for by someone else I have never experienced before, and it scares me. It terrifies me. And now even spending the morning together. Its such a foreign land to me.

H: You are very quiet this morning? - he says as we are getting dressed in my small room

Shit. I guess I am not as good at hiding my emotions as I hoped. I am so glad he can't read my mind though, cause currently its a shitstorm up there. 

J: I am sorry... I am just... - I can't seem to find my words so I just stand up and look at him

H: What? - he stands up as well

J: I dont know... just

H: Have I done something? - I can sense the nervousness in his voice 

J: No, no, no... I just... I am feeling really good. And its a strange feeling.

H: Oh - he visibly relaxes

I can sense that he is still confused, but I am not ready to tell him my story yet, and just hope he has got the patience to stick around to hear it eventually, some day... 

I walk over to him, and hug him around the waist, looking up at his tall, handsome self.

J: I am having a really great time with you. Thank you! - I tell him sincerely

He watches me for a few seconds before he cups my face, his stare bores into my eyes: "I am having the best time. You are truly amazing" which makes me smile, and almost shed a tear. We lean in and kiss. The kind of kiss that gives me goosebumps and butterflies all at once knowing that I am heading for a hard landing.

The sweet moment of sleeping on his chest is on replay in my mind all through the day. It felt so good. I felt protected and safe. There was no me being uncomfortable, afraid, or scared what would happen tomorrow, what he will say, how will he act...it was just pure, and calm and good. I could finally sleep for a whole night, feeling totally safe in his arms. It was strange since in many ways I still barely knew the guy. But he is awakening feelings in me I didn't know I even had.

We went to a close-by gastropub. We both had burgers and banter, tease and poke each other all through breakfast. Its all smiles and laughter, a stroke on the cheek here, a brush of the hand there.

I was celebrating Chloes birthday tonight. It was dinner first with only her closest friends and then we are going out dancing. I suggest he meets us at the club. He agrees to that and we promise to text until has to go to practice, and I go home to prep for the party.