falling

how fast the night changes

Good morning - I say as stepping into the kitchen

Brandon is sitting on the kitchen bar, eating his cereal with his laptop in front of him, as well as his two phones. 

B: Good morning! Sleep well? - he gives me a tired small smile

J: Yeah. You? - I feel sorry for him. Last nights events still on my mind and the questions have formed a nice line in my head just waiting for him to give me the opportunity to ask them. But I need coffee first.

B: Yeah - he stands up to put his bowl in the sink. I watch him and feel sorry for him. He probably wishes Chloe was here to talk.

J: I know I am not Chloe, but if you need to talk about anything... I am here

He looks at me strangely, then smiles gently, truly with the admiration of an father or older brother

B: Thanks.

J: I heard you last night

B: You did? Sorry about that. Thats just... work.

J: And I met him in the hallway later

B: Oh you've met Hero

Hero.

J: Hero?

He nods with a small smile.

J: Yeah, just briefly

B: He's gonna stay here for a few days, is that okay?

J: Sure. Its not my apartment.

B: And if anything happens or you are not comfertable, let me know please

J: Okay - I say confused as to what he means by that - What should I look out for exactly?

B: Nothing. Everything is fine. Just, tell me if you aren't comfertable or dont feel like your on vacation anymore - he finishes and turns his head back into the laptop. 

I watch him a little. There is so much he is not telling me here. I take what I need from the fridge and cabinet and sit at the kitchen counter, across from him. He is on his laptop, typing. I have to have some piece of mind, its eating at me.

J: Whats up with him?

Brandon doesn't look up at me, but stops typing for a second, then resumes, to finish I guess because seconds later he closes the laptop

B: I signed him a few months ago and he... he is a great basketball player, and clubs are interested. He is though still in HS so I want him to finish that before we go forward and seal a deal with anyone.

J: Okay. But why is he here? In your apartment? 

B: He came in late last night, needing a place to crash. He sometimes does that.

I furrow my brows, he is so masking this for me.

A: Brandon, I know the look on his face last night, and I heard you before that... and I know you... Mr.  Never-a-good-thing-to-mix-business-with-private-life.

He looks at me, like reading me then chuckles

B: I forget how fast you had to grow up. 

I raise my eyebrows at him

B: - takes a deep breath before he speaks - He has had a tough time but, he is getting better. I think basketball is the way to go for him. Like I said clubs are interested and he has only six months left of HS and I just don't want him to jeopardize that for a little too much partying. 

J: But why are you so protective of him? 

B: I knew his brother. He was a good friend. So yeah... I probably feel slightly more protective over him than my other clients.

I nod. Before I get the chance to ask "knew" his brother? Why doesn't he know him anymore? Hero comes into view, walking from the hallway towards the kitchen.

H: Good morning

That accent!

J: Morning - I look over at Brandon who is staring at him - 

B: Slept well? 

H: No

B: Good

I shoot him a look, but notice that Hero is smiling and a smile is tugging at Brandons lips as well. I don't understand the dynamic. Hero comes to stand by the kitchen bar as well, glass of juice in hand. He takes a rose from the bouquet of roses in the vase placed in the middle of the kitchen bar and goes over to Brandon, down on his knees beside his chair,

H: Truce

Brandon starts laughing, and Hero and I join him. He shoves his shoulder and Hero stands up

B: Prick

I don't understand the dynamic between them, but they seem close. Brandon is one of the nicest, most sincere and humble people I have ever met in my life and if you have him caring for you you are in good hands. I know from first hand experience. And it seems Hero needs the same. 

I can't help but smile by the outcome of this situation, seems like both he and my sisters mission in life is to take care of lost high schoolers on dangerous routes. 

I have gotten of mine about a year ago. I still like a party here and there, a drink, a casual smoke or blow, but not like before. Never like before. I'll never do that again. It didn't do anything for me, it only left me feeling even more lonely and hurt. I liked that it brought me closer to Dylan, since he loved when we did it together, but now that even that is not enough for him to be with me there really is no point.

After an hour of fun and banter at breakfast, Brandon retrieves to his office to work. Hero goes to take a shower and I plan on doing school work, I have an essay due in four days. 

Its such a weird feeling that I'll be out of HS this summer. It is so deeply longed for. The three days in London has slightly made things clearer, which I am very appreciative of, remembering how agitated I was on the plane over here. But there is something about being in London, and being with Chloe and Brandon and see how they are with each other, how they respect and support each other, and how they live their lives and manage them and still getting everything they map out for themselves. It's fascinating to witness, and I aspire to it. 

I shun from it before, I think because of some sort of feeling that I don't deserve it or that I am not strong enough to have it for myself, and it was easier to hide behind the mask. The partying, the boys, the booze and the shit then stepping up, taking control and wanting things and saying them out loud without feeling like a overachiever or dreamer or whatever. Some of is probably societies pressure on girls, but half of it I am sure I put on myself. The other thing is that Dylan held me back, or I let him hold me back.

I step out to the living room to get my laptop charger when I see Hero in the hallway, putting on shoes

J: Where you going?

H: Shoot some hoops

I nod, and he keeps staring at me, throwing the ball in between his hands in front of him

H: Want to come? - tilts his head

I am surprised and probably show it on my whole face

J: I... I have homework... I have to write an essay - I ramble and the last sentence comes out in one breath

He nods for a second, still staring

H: See you then - turns around and grabs the door handle

J: Wait!

He half turns back to me, his hand still on the door handle

J: I'll come. Let me just change - and I disappear into my room, leaving him waiting, smiling.