falling

Too much gold in the dirt

In May he comes to Oslo over a weekend to see for himself the whole russ-hype. To this day he doesn't understand the ritual so he glady accepts my offer to come when it is its peek. His basketball season is over, at least the games, and school he has another week of and an exam left. He rents a room in Hotel Continental which we stay in together. 

As soon as my classes wrap on Friday I take the metro downtown to meet my British boy. We manage to get in a few kisses before we are picked up by my girlfriends in our party-russebus. The time on the bus is spent driving around, partying to loud music and drinking a lot of booze. And then some. 

I am all over the bus, but mostly dancing with my girls in the middle. He is sitting on one of the refrigerators, drinking, talking to whomever comes to talk to him, all the while watching me, smiling. I go over to him a few times to kiss him and share cute small talk. 

J: Want to get high with me? -  say loudly over the music, leaning into him. He looks at me surprised I think

H: No thanks - he shakes his head, a small smile on his face

J: Come on, it's just weed. No chemical substance I promise. It will be fun

H: It could, but I don't want to - blinks and shakes his head slightly. A gentle, formal smile set on his beautiful lips

J: Why not. I know you have before

H: I have. Not anymore though

J: I promise I won't tell Brandon - I try to tease, but it has the opposite affect on him

H: I don't care if you tell Brandon - he seems annoyed as his voice grows louder and facial expression stiffens - I don't want to do it. For me - he says more stern

J: Will you be mad if I go?

H: You do whatever floats your boat - he says, trying to sound nonchalant but his eyes give him away. They have an unreadable expression that leave me with an uneasy feeling.

Deciding to let it ruin my night, I smile and tip up on my toes to kiss him before dissappearing to the back of the bus with Mia. Its my night out with my girlfriends in one of our last parties of our russetid and in our bus, I am allowed to party as wildly as I want to. 

Hero POV: I am not mad, but I am slightly disappointed. I am not even sure why. It just. It felt like we both were on the same page. Like we were having clean slates, with each other. This feels like a step back . Like I am still not enough. She still longs for the thrill and the buzz other things give her. That I can't give her. 

When she comes back she is all smiley. We dance and have fun. She is still endearing as hell. It isn't until 5 AM that we are dropped outside my hotel and I begin to understand why she is so exhausted from this party life. 

Last night was so much fun. He is fun to be around with even though he didn't want to smoke with me. We danced and goofed and his sole focus all night was only on me, even with 20+ other girls there. I loved it. Loved the attention and the love I was surrounded by. He was nice and polite to everyone, even if the scenario was completely out of place for him. 

I stroke his cheeks carefully, caressing him My God I am head over heels for him I think to myself. He slowly opens his eyes at my touch.

H: Morning – says sheepishly, the huge smile ever so present

J: Good morning – I return the smile and move my hand to the side of his head, touching his hair, his ear. He leans into my touch and closes his eyes, like a dog showing me he loves the cuddling