falling

recovery

The birthday dinner takes place at Chloes favorite restaurant, inamorata where we enjoy delicious asian fusion meals. She is surrounded by her closest friends and me. After the three hour long dinner we head to a nearby nightclub to dance, which was her second wish on the list, first one being eat at inamo obviously. 

On the way to the nightclub I text Hero inviting him to join us, he texts back that he is gaming with the boys and doesn't feel like getting all dressed up right now.

That's weird I thought. I wanted to spend every second with him, and last night it seemed like he wanted that too. Now he can't even be bothered to get dressed and come meet me, but would rather game with his buddies, something he can do all the time. 

Maybe it's because I didn't sleep with him last night? He is already over it? Over me?

We arrive at the nightclub shortly and I manage to put Hero aside to enjoy my sisters birthday, and dance it all away. Eventually I guess it caughts up with me and I can't manage to hide my sour mood. Shannon notices and comes over. I tell her what is bothering me and she tells me that he is probably just  being respectful of Brandon and his wishes.

J: Brandons wishes? What are you talking about? Whats Brandon got to do with Hero and me?

S: Brandon talked to Hero the day before you left back to Oslo last time

J: About what? 

S: That he should focus on his career and not on distractions right now

J: The distraction being me?

She nods: "Yeah"

J: I can't believe him

S: I dont think any of us saw you and Hero being a thing

I was so furious. How could he do that to me. I love him like a brother and he just went behind my back like that. Now I understand all the signs from Hero, why he was so distant to Brandon&Chloe and coming to the apartment. The way he talked when we texted, about feeling no control over his life, of everyone constantly making decisions for him and knowing what's best for him. How he has done mistakes in life, but like can't ever escape them and get a clean slate from anyone, that its always being held over his head. That's why he talked so much about London being too small, and a shithole, and how he couldn't wait to get away from here. It all made sense now and my heart was breaking for him.

I find Brandon shortly after this and we go to a secluded corner of the nightclub. He tells me it was all out of love and caring. It wasn't out of spite. He cares deeply for Hero, has for a long time, he is like a little brother. 

J: I get that. But I dont think that was the way to go about it. You can't  keep on controlling him like that. You need to start seeing him for who he is, and not for his past... like it feels everyone does ALL THE TIME. From the constant advice, worrying, questions, pity eyes. Its unfair. He deserves better, especially from you. 

He is listening intently to me ranting about Hero and my fight for this thing between us that is obviously very important to me. 

J: And this... us... maybe its a good thing, for the both of us. But, you have to let us try it instead of wanting to control it to spare us whatever it is you are trying to protect us from. Because I am going to see him and I don't need your permission to do that, neither does he. Even though you sometimes treat him like he does. And that's not an admirable trait, Brandon. I think you need to apologize. And you need to tell him you were wrong.

I call Hero when finishing the talk with Brandon just to say good night, but he doesn't answer. I go back to the party and my birthday girl. 

The next morning when I wake up, a text is on my phone

H: "Sorry I fell asleep while gaming. You okay? How was the party?"

H: "Good morning btw 😊"

I put the phone down without answering. My head is still spinning and I need more sleep.

The next time I wake up there is a missed call from him and a text,

H: Everything ok? Are you mad or something?

I reply instantly. He is such a softy I don't want to put any more weight on him than he already has.

J: Sorry. No, I am not mad. Of course not. 😉I am just sooo tired. Going in and out of sleep. And my feet are killing me, still not out of bed.

H: Haha. Must have been a fun night

J: It was 😊

H: You still coming to the game tonight?

J: I am. At 7?

H: Yes. Starts at 7, be there around 6:30 to get tickets, find a seat

J: Okay. That's why I need to sleep now Tiffin, if you want to have my full attention tonight

H: I do. Sleep well. <3

(My heart does a little flip by the heart emoji he sent :) )

J: :D <3

I fall right back to sleep and dont wake up until 4PM, feeling somewhat okay. I hit the shower, eat left-over takeout and head for the court. I call Chloe on my way over. She and Brandon are out walking, but both will be at the game.