falling

intervention

"Have you thought anymore about next year? – Chloe asks as we are sitting by the kitchen bar, eating our sushi

J: No. I am still thinking about it...

C: Is sociology at the top of the list?

J: Yeah...

C: You are very vague about the issue considering its your future we are talking about

Here we go again. I breath heavily to show her with everything in me how tired I am of this conversation, whether it be over the phone, FaceTime, Msgr, text or in person. She stares stupidly at me, doesn't care the slightest for my anguish and discomfort on this topic.

J: I am just so tired of all the talk about the future. I am so sick of school at the moment and can't wait to graduate HS... so talking about more school after that is giving me a headache.

C: Okay... so what's the plan for the next year? If not school.

J: I don't know... and I don't want to think about it...

C: Well... I think you have to

I just keep eating my sushi and ignore her. There is no way to getting through to her. I want to bolt to my room and be alone for the rest of the night, but I was hungry, and the sushi was delicious. From Sticks'N'sushi. My favorite sushi place in London.

She shares a look with Brandon. He isn't sayin anything which I am glad for.

C: How is he? – she asks after a pause, annoyed, but worried

I stop chewing for a second and look at her in surprise, but my heart melts when I only see pity and worry in her eyes

J: He is good... I guess

C: You guess?

J: I mean he is good.

C: You are not talking again?

J: We are

C: But?

J: But, nothing. We are friends.

She breathed heavily...  Looks at Brandon again, he shakes his head 

"You can't keep doing this to yourself Jojo. You are wasting your best years on someone who isn't the slightest worthy of your time. Who is clearly an asshole and bad influence. And you can't jepordize your whole life and future because of someone like that: I mean you shouldn't put anyone before yourself and your future, but especially not him. You have to just... end that. And get over it.

J: Sure. And how do I do that exactly? – I say annoyed. 

As if I wouldn't like, sometimes at least, that I wasn't so in love with him. That I could end things once and for all and stay that way and just move along with my life.

C: Move to London! – she says with finality – After finishing HS this summer, move to London. You can stay here as long as you like, you even have a room here, we'll help you get settled, find a job, a course, look into the University.

B: Maybe a writing course that we talked about... - he chips in smartly. I give him a look, he smiles innocently, I have to smile back.

C: Yeah... there are millions of opportunities here. But you need a fresh start. Away from all that. And this can be it.

J: I don't know.

B: I think your sister is right Josephine. It will be good for you to get away from the scene there, your parents, some of the people there... maybe Oslo in general. Not forever, but for a while. Take a semester to begin with and see where it takes you.

J: Why do I feel like this is an intervention? – I try to laugh it of

C: Take it as you will... but, I am serious on this.

I smile, I appreciate their effort and concern and I am slightly tempted by the idea.

At the same time, as fucked up as it is even though he doesn't want me I don't want to be too far away from him. I want to have the chance to see him, to get to him when or if he calls wanting me. I was so lost in that thought, lost in him. He could just wink and I would run to him. I knew I was into deep, but there was nowhere out for me. I couldn't stop it. To be honest I was satisfied with the breadcrumbs he was leaving me. All the while hoping he would realize what he was missing and that he would want me like I wanted him. Even though I hated his lifestyle, I was convinced that when we got together, for real, he would change. We would settle down, go to the University together, have lunches in the cafeteria, walk around campus holding hands, he would follow me to class. I would wait outside building B for him to finish his seminar. We could take a year together abroad. He mentioned something once about wanting to learn Spanish, we could travel to Madrid together or even to Argentina and live there while learning Spanish. Ah so many dreams I have for the two of us. If he only knew.